Changing name and what to tell her.
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Hi all.
I hope everyone is well. It's been a long time since I posted.
Please don't judge me - I'm trying my best and everyone's story is different.
We are now 20 months down the line since the knock.
My ex got 2 years SS, 10 years SOR and 5 years SHPO.
He hasnt seen our daughter for over a year - as I found out he had made images of her. His case was in the news and I have asked him to change her name, as I don't want someone working it out and her being linked to him, but he's refusing.
Has anyone been to court to do this? Has anyone got any advice? Has anyone tried / managed to reduced PR? (I don't want to ask him if we can go on holiday abroad / what school she can go to ect ect)
She still talks about him - so I just try and change the subject, unless she asks me a direct question. She thinks he's 'at work'. No one can give me any advice what to tell her (she's 6). Any advice what I can tell her why he's not here? And why he won't be back.
Thanks for reading.
Take care all.
I hope everyone is well. It's been a long time since I posted.
Please don't judge me - I'm trying my best and everyone's story is different.
We are now 20 months down the line since the knock.
My ex got 2 years SS, 10 years SOR and 5 years SHPO.
He hasnt seen our daughter for over a year - as I found out he had made images of her. His case was in the news and I have asked him to change her name, as I don't want someone working it out and her being linked to him, but he's refusing.
Has anyone been to court to do this? Has anyone got any advice? Has anyone tried / managed to reduced PR? (I don't want to ask him if we can go on holiday abroad / what school she can go to ect ect)
She still talks about him - so I just try and change the subject, unless she asks me a direct question. She thinks he's 'at work'. No one can give me any advice what to tell her (she's 6). Any advice what I can tell her why he's not here? And why he won't be back.
Thanks for reading.
Take care all.
Hi,
I'd write everything down to build up a full picture of why he's not in her life and why you want to reduce his PR and change her name then book an appointment with a family law solicitor (most offer free appointments for half an hour or an hour).
See what their advice is regarding the legal side of things and go from there.
In terms of what you tell your daughter, that is a bit more complicated because you don't want her to accidentally tell someone else and link her with him. I posted a list of reading materials on another post, I'll see if I can find it. It may the case that you have to "drip feed" information due to her age xxx
I'd write everything down to build up a full picture of why he's not in her life and why you want to reduce his PR and change her name then book an appointment with a family law solicitor (most offer free appointments for half an hour or an hour).
See what their advice is regarding the legal side of things and go from there.
In terms of what you tell your daughter, that is a bit more complicated because you don't want her to accidentally tell someone else and link her with him. I posted a list of reading materials on another post, I'll see if I can find it. It may the case that you have to "drip feed" information due to her age xxx
My kids go by my name at school - you don't need permission for this , my ex too won't let me change their names and they have an unusual name (I've since changed to my maiden)
as he used your daughter I'd say you have a very good chance of getting what you want in terms of family court / name change etc! You will quality for legal aid as he's a convicted offender.
I only getting stopped coming back into the country - I carry the children's birth certificates to prove I'm their mother and my kids are usually asked who I am, but I've never sought permission
as he used your daughter I'd say you have a very good chance of getting what you want in terms of family court / name change etc! You will quality for legal aid as he's a convicted offender.
I only getting stopped coming back into the country - I carry the children's birth certificates to prove I'm their mother and my kids are usually asked who I am, but I've never sought permission
NSPCC have a guide to talking about difficult topics.
Here is the list of books, make sure the parents read them before they try to start the conversation as they may not be appropriate in this situation.
1. An Exceptional Children’s Guide to Touch – Hunter Manasco (no age specified, but for young children, especially those with special needs)
2.Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept – Jayneen Sanders (3+)
3.It’s My Body – Lory Freeman (3–6 years)
4.Your Body Belongs to You – Cornelia Spelman (3–6 years)
5.My Body Belongs to Me – Jill Starishevsky (3–10 years)
6.Tell Somebody it Happened to Me – Nancy Flowers (4–10 years)
7.Come and Tell Me (Be sensible—and safe) – Helen Hollick (5–10 years)
8.Feeling Happy Feeling Safe (A safety guide for young children) – Michelle Elliott(6–11 years)
9. A Very Touching Book (for little people and for big people) – Jan Hindman (8–12 years)
10. Let’s Talk About Sex (Growing up, changing bodies, sex and sexual health) – Robie H. Harris (Pre-teens and teenagers)
Here is the list of books, make sure the parents read them before they try to start the conversation as they may not be appropriate in this situation.
1. An Exceptional Children’s Guide to Touch – Hunter Manasco (no age specified, but for young children, especially those with special needs)
2.Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept – Jayneen Sanders (3+)
3.It’s My Body – Lory Freeman (3–6 years)
4.Your Body Belongs to You – Cornelia Spelman (3–6 years)
5.My Body Belongs to Me – Jill Starishevsky (3–10 years)
6.Tell Somebody it Happened to Me – Nancy Flowers (4–10 years)
7.Come and Tell Me (Be sensible—and safe) – Helen Hollick (5–10 years)
8.Feeling Happy Feeling Safe (A safety guide for young children) – Michelle Elliott(6–11 years)
9. A Very Touching Book (for little people and for big people) – Jan Hindman (8–12 years)
10. Let’s Talk About Sex (Growing up, changing bodies, sex and sexual health) – Robie H. Harris (Pre-teens and teenagers)
I changed my children's name via Deedpoll and sent them a detailed letter with the reasons to why, even though he still had 50/50 Parental Responsibility, they changed the name straight away to my Maiden Name without his permission.
Mine were quite young and I told them I wanted us all to have the same name and it was a fun that you could change them. We even spoke about funny other names to keep the subject light hearted. Explained they could also change them back again at 16 if they wanted to.
Good Luck
Mine were quite young and I told them I wanted us all to have the same name and it was a fun that you could change them. We even spoke about funny other names to keep the subject light hearted. Explained they could also change them back again at 16 if they wanted to.
Good Luck
Speaking from my own experience of adults keeping things from me in childhood, I would tell her the truth. Obviously you might want to simplify or omit things at this age, but please never ever lie. Being lied to did me a lot of harm, hurt family relationships and permanently impacted my ability to trust. And yes it was well-intentioned, but even so. And I absolutely knew things were wrong. Kids always know more than you think they do!