Uncertain Future
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Hi, this is my first time on this forum but I would like to introduce myself and what I am going though at the moment.
To begin with, I met another man last year, we quickly developed a deep friendship which was slowly developing into a relationship. I was quite in love with him to be honest. But everything changed a few months ago when he was first arrested for one singular charge of attempted communication. I was deeply hurt, confused and filled so many overwhelming emotions that I don't even know how to describe them all. As the months passed, the situation and his case got worse, with further charges being brought against him. And more recently it appears his case is a whole lot worse than anyone could imagine. He has charges of distribution, making, possession and incitement. The case is very public, so I can't say much overall. But one question which is always on my mind is why - why has he done all this, what has made him do all these things. Everytime time he is due in court I fear more charges will appear. He has been in prison since he was first arrested so it makes things very difficult. I have no idea how long his sentence will be. It feels like a never ending nightmare that I cannot wake up from. The worst part is the media attention his case his receiving with people who do not know him commenting about him.
Even though I know none of this is my fault, I feel guilty for still caring and loving him. I support him so much [not his actions] and no one can understand me or my point of view. He tells me he has an addiction to porn but I feel like this is a cover up story for a problem which is more deeply rooted. Everyday is certainly a struggle as I wait for more bad news.
To begin with, I met another man last year, we quickly developed a deep friendship which was slowly developing into a relationship. I was quite in love with him to be honest. But everything changed a few months ago when he was first arrested for one singular charge of attempted communication. I was deeply hurt, confused and filled so many overwhelming emotions that I don't even know how to describe them all. As the months passed, the situation and his case got worse, with further charges being brought against him. And more recently it appears his case is a whole lot worse than anyone could imagine. He has charges of distribution, making, possession and incitement. The case is very public, so I can't say much overall. But one question which is always on my mind is why - why has he done all this, what has made him do all these things. Everytime time he is due in court I fear more charges will appear. He has been in prison since he was first arrested so it makes things very difficult. I have no idea how long his sentence will be. It feels like a never ending nightmare that I cannot wake up from. The worst part is the media attention his case his receiving with people who do not know him commenting about him.
Even though I know none of this is my fault, I feel guilty for still caring and loving him. I support him so much [not his actions] and no one can understand me or my point of view. He tells me he has an addiction to porn but I feel like this is a cover up story for a problem which is more deeply rooted. Everyday is certainly a struggle as I wait for more bad news.
Hi! I resonate with you and im so sorry your going through this.
I found i had so much shame and guilt attached to still loving and caring for someone who did a bad thing.
Im still processimg and its early days but just know you are not a horrible person for feeling this way.
I found i had so much shame and guilt attached to still loving and caring for someone who did a bad thing.
Im still processimg and its early days but just know you are not a horrible person for feeling this way.