Nightmare
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What a nightmare, or is this real!? I don't know who this is that Im mm arrived to, 44years together, 4 generations of kids, and we get the KNOCK, Sunday morning, someone at the door, he goes down stairs to see who it is, next thing he is being followed upstairs by 2 officers, Im being arrested says he, for what, indecently touching a minor, no way I didn't believe a word of it, when,what who. I screamed out to our grandson who was living with us ,Grandad being arrested. He thought I was joking. Neither could believe this, He was carted off in Pyjamas,in a police car, next came the officers from child abuse etc, the ransacked his office,took all his gadgets that belonged to the firm and his things. I had to make a statement,by this time half my family had turned up. Later that night he was bailed, on arriving home he said, had the police taken his things from the office ,I td him yeah, Thank God its all going to come out in the open, I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. I later finds out about the Porn sites, the ones that lead to other sites, the ones that had leaf us into this nightmare. It is just that, I loved and Trusted this man, he was my life, we're no youngsters,and planed our later years together. Wel that's All gone, never going to happen now. He has tried to tell me about the Videos, the ones that lead him into watching child,I can't even say it, he's a Great grandfather, he has been the best Dad,Granddad, and untill this Great grandfather, but I see him everyday tortured, us he dying to watch more,dying to create more AI videos of children, or what,does he feel the guilt,in what he has done to this family. We're not allowed to see our family, as they all have children. I am struggling, I think he's a monster, I feel disgusted, but I love him and feel sad for him. I want answers,answers he seems not capable of answering, he thinks his evil. I wish to god I could get answers, what follows, how do we survive this, he's looking towards a prison sentence, I'm looking forward to loss.
Oh Silvernan I feel your pain and heartache in every word you write.
I can't offer answers but I can empathise completely and you have done the right thing by coming to this forum.
all of us here have experienced the trauma that the knock and its aftermath create - suddenly finding out that your loved one has committed an offence such as this is a terrible thing to try and comprehend.
But one thing that all of us will agree on is there is no need to make any quick decisions. Talk to family that you trust, reach out to the helpline, post on this forum, even if it's just to vent your feelings.
Sending you virtual hugs xxx
I can't offer answers but I can empathise completely and you have done the right thing by coming to this forum.
all of us here have experienced the trauma that the knock and its aftermath create - suddenly finding out that your loved one has committed an offence such as this is a terrible thing to try and comprehend.
But one thing that all of us will agree on is there is no need to make any quick decisions. Talk to family that you trust, reach out to the helpline, post on this forum, even if it's just to vent your feelings.
Sending you virtual hugs xxx
Hello. I am so sorry you're going through this, it's unimaginable pain, indescribable. I have no advice because I am only 3 days since this happened to our family. But I resonated a lot with your post.
The knock came for my father. He too was a "family man", a loved grandad. He also can not see any of his grandchildren and us grown up adults are in shock and disbelief. I also am already going through a lot, so my mental wellbeing was already fragile.
He doesn't have any friends or anyone who will check on him, or a partner. He lives alone and we fear suicide but we also don't want to have contact, it's very fresh and we haven't stopped shaking.
What I've come to realise in these past 48 hours, is that this isn't YOUR fault. I know that isn't really helpful and you know it isn't your fault already. I've managed to confide in a few trusted people, which felt impossible to do just 24 hours ago but their messages telling me that no one is judging me or my family have been helpful-ish.
Life feels impossible to comprehend right now, but it keeps turning. And their actions are something they willingly chose to do with their adult brains. I believe they had chances to stop before it got to the point where they executed their actions - I know now it is a deep mental illness but believe they could have got help or found another outlet. I read a lot of these forums to help, and many come from people's younger sons and whilst no one can compare a case and they're all just horrendous, seeing a case from someone who must be a similar age to my father has helped me.
I understand that life will never be the same now. It is ok to love someone, grieve someone, and hate them, be disgusted with them all one go. I'm thinking of you and all the other people on here who are navigating this new found emotion that doesn't even have a name. Take everything hourly. And most importantly, make sure you have someone you can talk to. X
The knock came for my father. He too was a "family man", a loved grandad. He also can not see any of his grandchildren and us grown up adults are in shock and disbelief. I also am already going through a lot, so my mental wellbeing was already fragile.
He doesn't have any friends or anyone who will check on him, or a partner. He lives alone and we fear suicide but we also don't want to have contact, it's very fresh and we haven't stopped shaking.
What I've come to realise in these past 48 hours, is that this isn't YOUR fault. I know that isn't really helpful and you know it isn't your fault already. I've managed to confide in a few trusted people, which felt impossible to do just 24 hours ago but their messages telling me that no one is judging me or my family have been helpful-ish.
Life feels impossible to comprehend right now, but it keeps turning. And their actions are something they willingly chose to do with their adult brains. I believe they had chances to stop before it got to the point where they executed their actions - I know now it is a deep mental illness but believe they could have got help or found another outlet. I read a lot of these forums to help, and many come from people's younger sons and whilst no one can compare a case and they're all just horrendous, seeing a case from someone who must be a similar age to my father has helped me.
I understand that life will never be the same now. It is ok to love someone, grieve someone, and hate them, be disgusted with them all one go. I'm thinking of you and all the other people on here who are navigating this new found emotion that doesn't even have a name. Take everything hourly. And most importantly, make sure you have someone you can talk to. X
Bless you silvernan. It is so huge isnt it, the horror of it all, how it completely changes everything, and the extreme emotions. You will be in shock for awhile. Thats ok, its how it has to be. Do the best you can to look after yourself, and know that it will get easier further down the line. Peace to you....