Processing the News and Can I Continue?
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Hi,
This is all very fresh for me, my partner went on a family trip and on return to australia was detained and is now on bail re the possiession of child pornography.
This has been very shocking and diffcult to process and im having very conflicting feelings.
This doesnt align with the person i know.
He states it was due to the taboo and he was in the process of stopping prior to the return on the trip.
At the end of the day im never going to fully know if its true or he just got caught.
His family and friends are sticking by him.
I know there is so many questions to ask and dig in to know the full extent and if i can guage a future pending the trial.
I guess it would be great to hear both sides about staying or going. If staying is an option and what that can look like.
I do believe him and i do know this doesnt align but it still happened.
I am in therapy trying to process all my emotions.
I feel like i cant give anyone straight answers right now as it feels like i and viewing him and what he did separetly as i process.
Thanks.
This is all very fresh for me, my partner went on a family trip and on return to australia was detained and is now on bail re the possiession of child pornography.
This has been very shocking and diffcult to process and im having very conflicting feelings.
This doesnt align with the person i know.
He states it was due to the taboo and he was in the process of stopping prior to the return on the trip.
At the end of the day im never going to fully know if its true or he just got caught.
His family and friends are sticking by him.
I know there is so many questions to ask and dig in to know the full extent and if i can guage a future pending the trial.
I guess it would be great to hear both sides about staying or going. If staying is an option and what that can look like.
I do believe him and i do know this doesnt align but it still happened.
I am in therapy trying to process all my emotions.
I feel like i cant give anyone straight answers right now as it feels like i and viewing him and what he did separetly as i process.
Thanks.
Hey, sorry you find yourself here. If this is all very new to you then probably the first thing is take a breath and dont rush into any decisions just yet. Its probably not what you want to hear but this tends to be a long process. My ex was arrested in June 2024 and sentencing with a guilty plea is this Thursday. Thats actually quick compared to how long some have waited. I chose to support him but as of a month ago when his plea hearing was I realised I could no longer be with him. I was told it was a misunderstanding, he'd been hacked etc. But I just couldnt fully trust what he was telling me and you cant have a relationship with no trust! Its sad. I thought id stay but I lost friends because of it also and honestly its so hard. I dont have children, so those with children I take my hat of to because I dont know how they do it. Noone can tell you stay or leave. But this site is great for information and based on what I read i felt I made an informed decision about how life would be going forward. I hope everything works out for you either way!
I have decided to stay with my husband. He was arrested at work 4 days before christmas. They knocked on our door and I was so confused, I honestly thought he had died because I couldn't imagine my husband ever doing anything illegal.
He has been accused of possession and distribution of IIOCs with no communication or contact offenses.
I decided because of who he was I would give him a second chance, it took quiet a long time for me to process it all though. Discussing the why helped me confirm that I'd stay.
It's not been easy because we have a 1 year old and the SS until recently where driving me nuts!! But I got used to the bail terms quickly
He has been accused of possession and distribution of IIOCs with no communication or contact offenses.
I decided because of who he was I would give him a second chance, it took quiet a long time for me to process it all though. Discussing the why helped me confirm that I'd stay.
It's not been easy because we have a 1 year old and the SS until recently where driving me nuts!! But I got used to the bail terms quickly
I have stayed but i had a lot of stipulations we paid for a private cyber expert as I wanted the proof of the fact it was one click and never revisited, it was 5 images in a file never revisited again and the website was never visited again also which confirmed all he told me, we are past sentencing and conviction is spent, we are still working hard on our life's I think we would have been a lot further on if we hadn't had media exposure, it all blew up one evening when it went in local paper, I felt like my life was over but to be honest with you there were no repercussion I came off social media immediately if I couldn't read what was said I couldn't worry about it, my job involves a lot of community work and I still worry but I have had nothing but support, oh has come off his medication and struggling with his mental health again he feels like the world has gotten a lot smaller he lives with the guilt of it all on a daily basis, personally I wish he had stayed on his medication but he chose to come off it, you can only make your own decision and take time to decide
Hi mak
so sorry you fond yourself here.
as others have probably said you will have all kinds of questions and emotions flying around. Do not rush to make a decision and please bear in mind you can change your mind at any point. The only thing I would advise os to arm yourself with all the facts before you do make any decisions. Get full disclosure. I was initially prepared to stay if it was an accident/genuine no idea of ages etc. but I was given a version of the truth and said if there was anything more I would be forced to end it and leave....unfortunately he couldn't be honest with himself or me and there was more. I couldn't take the double whammy of lying to hide it then still lying once he'd been caught. Also I have a child so social services were immediately involved and were particularly difficult to deal with and I couldn't face the future having to battle with them for any longer than necessary, I know my limits and as soon as it got to that point. I knew I could no longer stay. You yourself will know what you need to strengthen your relationship and what it can't survive. There is no right answer we're all different and in different (but equally awful) scenarios. You have to do what's right for you.
Sending strength
so sorry you fond yourself here.
as others have probably said you will have all kinds of questions and emotions flying around. Do not rush to make a decision and please bear in mind you can change your mind at any point. The only thing I would advise os to arm yourself with all the facts before you do make any decisions. Get full disclosure. I was initially prepared to stay if it was an accident/genuine no idea of ages etc. but I was given a version of the truth and said if there was anything more I would be forced to end it and leave....unfortunately he couldn't be honest with himself or me and there was more. I couldn't take the double whammy of lying to hide it then still lying once he'd been caught. Also I have a child so social services were immediately involved and were particularly difficult to deal with and I couldn't face the future having to battle with them for any longer than necessary, I know my limits and as soon as it got to that point. I knew I could no longer stay. You yourself will know what you need to strengthen your relationship and what it can't survive. There is no right answer we're all different and in different (but equally awful) scenarios. You have to do what's right for you.
Sending strength