What to tell children
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I'm in PLO and the social worker has done a visit tonight to tell me that she is leaving and brought a colleague with her who will take over the case. They are both saying that my daughter needs to be told about my OH's offence, she is 8 nearly 9 and the offence happened 2 years ago. Anybody got advice on what I should be saying to her in a child friendly way. It was a communication offence with no images involved x
We used the book "someone should have told me" by Holly Ann Martin. There's a YouTube recording of it being narrated too. Childline also has some really good resources on online safety that you can use too.
We said that Dad had been unsafe online talking to strangers who asked him to do things that were against the rules (look at photos of children with no clothes on) which is unsafe and against the rules. That grown ups were worried about this and dad would need to work with social workers and other "trusted" grown ups to check that the child was safe, and that dad was going to promise to stick to the rules. Just like speeding; you might not mean to do it but it's dangerous and people can get hurt; sometimes the police might decide to give you a fine or make you follow rules (not allowed to drive, do a course). We used this example that was familiar to them. So we were going to work with the trusted grown ups (explained this was the people allowed to supervise, school, social workers and teachers) to try sort it all out and there may be some rules for dad that we have to stick to. We made it clear that it was nothing to do with them, we all loved them very much and knew they were very safe and followed rules online and it was ok to ask us questions but we might not know all the answers as the police were very busy so it might take a while to decide what happens next. If they were upset or worried they could talk to the trusted grown ups as they knew what was going on and were the ones to help.
You can then build on this for online safety, and any restrictions or court/ sentencing that happens going forwards. Also stop your child from worrying or accidentally telling the whole school etc by saying we talk about it to the trusted grown ups because we don't want anyone else to worry or get upset.
Good Luck-it's not fun and is a fine line between. Telling too much and worrying them or not enough detail for them to understand or be safe.
We said that Dad had been unsafe online talking to strangers who asked him to do things that were against the rules (look at photos of children with no clothes on) which is unsafe and against the rules. That grown ups were worried about this and dad would need to work with social workers and other "trusted" grown ups to check that the child was safe, and that dad was going to promise to stick to the rules. Just like speeding; you might not mean to do it but it's dangerous and people can get hurt; sometimes the police might decide to give you a fine or make you follow rules (not allowed to drive, do a course). We used this example that was familiar to them. So we were going to work with the trusted grown ups (explained this was the people allowed to supervise, school, social workers and teachers) to try sort it all out and there may be some rules for dad that we have to stick to. We made it clear that it was nothing to do with them, we all loved them very much and knew they were very safe and followed rules online and it was ok to ask us questions but we might not know all the answers as the police were very busy so it might take a while to decide what happens next. If they were upset or worried they could talk to the trusted grown ups as they knew what was going on and were the ones to help.
You can then build on this for online safety, and any restrictions or court/ sentencing that happens going forwards. Also stop your child from worrying or accidentally telling the whole school etc by saying we talk about it to the trusted grown ups because we don't want anyone else to worry or get upset.
Good Luck-it's not fun and is a fine line between. Telling too much and worrying them or not enough detail for them to understand or be safe.
Thanks for replying- I am wondering if its part of like an exit plan or stepping down from PLO that she needs to be told. The problem is there are no legal restrictions on him. No SOR or SHPO requirements, so whatever they suggest to move forward, they will be going against the court outcome. I'm just trying to understand how you navigate a future when there is no legal involvement. I havent come across many people whose partners have no SHPO or SOR restrictions on them x