when can I start looking forward
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It's recently dawned on me (now my hormones are not driving my thoughts) that I may have been a little nieve. OH was arrested 9 months ago, out daughter is now 7 months, he denied anything.
ss told me at the start, noones being arrested and bailed with such harsh conditions without big suspisions. I know it may be the case that the police have not gone into detail with OH about that suspision so everything he can explain to me is extremely vague.
realistically am I looking at never being able to trust him even if nothing is found on his devices? that's how it's feeling right now. If the police gave an NFA would they be likely to explain what that suspision was?
I know from experience that they very likely have a very exact image/time/event to be able to put such bail conditions in place. Even if there were just 1 image they'd need to be 100% sure it isn't more.
I know permission would need to be given for me to have any disclosures that can be made.
I just feel so stuck in my own head right now
ss told me at the start, noones being arrested and bailed with such harsh conditions without big suspisions. I know it may be the case that the police have not gone into detail with OH about that suspision so everything he can explain to me is extremely vague.
realistically am I looking at never being able to trust him even if nothing is found on his devices? that's how it's feeling right now. If the police gave an NFA would they be likely to explain what that suspision was?
I know from experience that they very likely have a very exact image/time/event to be able to put such bail conditions in place. Even if there were just 1 image they'd need to be 100% sure it isn't more.
I know permission would need to be given for me to have any disclosures that can be made.
I just feel so stuck in my own head right now
Your OH can give you disclosure with the OIC and with his solicitor, if / when he has one. Get him to cc you in on the emails requesting this so you know he's actually asked! Though in my experience 'my' OIC is very very cagey and I didn't find out much. If your OH has been released on bail it will be renewed every three months and he will receive a copy of the paperwork from the OIC, which will contain some independent information on why the police are investigating (basically the OIC has to make the case as to why bail should be extended). I would ask him for this.
Based on my experience they WILL have gone into some detail with him when he was interviewed in the first place, but other people may have had different experiences?
Just to add, some OICs are much more forthcoming than 'my' one, judging by posts here. No harm in asking.
Based on my experience they WILL have gone into some detail with him when he was interviewed in the first place, but other people may have had different experiences?
Just to add, some OICs are much more forthcoming than 'my' one, judging by posts here. No harm in asking.
My person was given harsh conditions from the outset from what they did know already. It could very easily have gone down as a harmless fantasy chat between two adults. He insisted it was nothing a misunderstanding and they wouldn't find anything else. But it wasn't. The forensics found more, and then I found out more from the charges, and then more horrible detail he'd glossed over was in the plea hearing. Even if it was all accidental/a mistake or whatever excuses he gave to minimise what had been going on....I asked "if I wrote down the list of these things you'd done on a piece of paper black and white.....no names or details pretend we don't know who it is; would you want them anywhere near your child?"
It just makes it more hurtful and confusing that it's someone you know and care about. The risk is still there no matter how much you love them, how long you've known them, how out of character it is etc. When children are involved it's such a high risk, you need to be 100% sure they would never do anything to harm them OR you put in harsh and strict restrictions to ensure it won't happen. These kind of offences put a massive dent in that certainty and it's a lot of work to bring that risk level down low enough for it to be safe.
It just makes it more hurtful and confusing that it's someone you know and care about. The risk is still there no matter how much you love them, how long you've known them, how out of character it is etc. When children are involved it's such a high risk, you need to be 100% sure they would never do anything to harm them OR you put in harsh and strict restrictions to ensure it won't happen. These kind of offences put a massive dent in that certainty and it's a lot of work to bring that risk level down low enough for it to be safe.
Hey, I am so sorry you are going through this right now. It is so horrible when your thoughts don't stop and you are stuck in this cycle of feeling lost and sadness.
Please have a look at a couple of my other posts though as I have a different story from most on here. It might be good to read a different perspective.
Take care and look after yourself as much as you can x
Please have a look at a couple of my other posts though as I have a different story from most on here. It might be good to read a different perspective.
Take care and look after yourself as much as you can x
holdingthegrenade this is my fear, I don't want to be hit by a train if it turns out to be a whole lot worse than I first thought. People do lie, my level of trust right now is so low. In his case it does involve in some way some communication he says he had over a 2 year period with a woman (the trust was gone at that omission) The police said to me it was while investigating, his name came up (this person was named in bail paperwork as not to contact) so sounds like it's not been a Internet provider or chat provider report.
holdinghope I've read your story, he also downloads lots of movies, series but also porn. The police did say whatever site he has been seen to have used is known for having iioc although an immediate search didn't find any. I honestly don't believe this is where it stems from in his case, police did give some minor details.
It's just tearing at me, all the plans and looking forward to our little one being born, ending up with me doing it alone. It's one thing not trusting your partner can be faithful, it's another feeling you might not be able to trust around these matters.
Tomorrow will be another bail extension date, 9 months since the knock and of course past the date quoted by the police for checks, backlogs obviously.
holdinghope I've read your story, he also downloads lots of movies, series but also porn. The police did say whatever site he has been seen to have used is known for having iioc although an immediate search didn't find any. I honestly don't believe this is where it stems from in his case, police did give some minor details.
It's just tearing at me, all the plans and looking forward to our little one being born, ending up with me doing it alone. It's one thing not trusting your partner can be faithful, it's another feeling you might not be able to trust around these matters.
Tomorrow will be another bail extension date, 9 months since the knock and of course past the date quoted by the police for checks, backlogs obviously.