Brutally given the blame for offence
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Finally went to court, where the prosecutor and ex lawyer spent several minutes each explaining that my ex committed these crimes as a result of no receiving no affection from wife and a crumbling marriage. That now he was divorced his mental health had massively improved. O and apparently I've kept his child from him for years and he is now going to take me to court for access (I've been begging him for visits, son was suicidal and so so let down by his false promises, I only asked for a neutral party to supervise short term as I had awful time supervising)
So apparently I made him a paedophile. (He admitted to his friend he has has sexual feelings towards children since young teen Yet no mention of this in court).
I know I shouldn't take the blame, but how can I not feel this when publically announced in court from a man I believed was my soul mate and I would be together forever with through ups and downs. No other reasons given.
I'm also so let down by the justice system, thousands of a b c images found on his USB, which they didn't charge for as apparently couldn't be accessed (I certainly accessed them and traumatised myself of a small child doing adult acts!).
He was charged with 2 cat C images on his mobile.
And now the threat of going to court for access to my child making me out to be the bad parent??
Genuinely regretting reporting this, doing everything by the book to please the police, investigation, to keep ex happy, keeping neutral conversation with friends to avoid them picking sides, keep school/SS updated and biting my tongue to child to avoid 'parent alienation'. For it to be blamed on me?
I will now always have that seed of doubt in my mind no matter what others say
So apparently I made him a paedophile. (He admitted to his friend he has has sexual feelings towards children since young teen Yet no mention of this in court).
I know I shouldn't take the blame, but how can I not feel this when publically announced in court from a man I believed was my soul mate and I would be together forever with through ups and downs. No other reasons given.
I'm also so let down by the justice system, thousands of a b c images found on his USB, which they didn't charge for as apparently couldn't be accessed (I certainly accessed them and traumatised myself of a small child doing adult acts!).
He was charged with 2 cat C images on his mobile.
And now the threat of going to court for access to my child making me out to be the bad parent??
Genuinely regretting reporting this, doing everything by the book to please the police, investigation, to keep ex happy, keeping neutral conversation with friends to avoid them picking sides, keep school/SS updated and biting my tongue to child to avoid 'parent alienation'. For it to be blamed on me?
I will now always have that seed of doubt in my mind no matter what others say
I'm so sorry Bondi. I don't have the words to express how angry I am on your behalf. Not only have you been disgustingly let down by your ex but also the justice system. I hope you find a way to move forward with your life and heal from the trauma. None of this is your fault and you still absolutely did the right thing in reporting xxx
I'm so sorry. Thats appalling of your ex. You are 100% not to blame. This is all on him. Its so exhausting how they always have an excuse.
I can't imagine he'll get much luck with access. SS work to different thresholds than the courts.
I can't imagine he'll get much luck with access. SS work to different thresholds than the courts.
I'm speechless that you can be blamed for his offending. My husband blamed me in part - but the judicial system - that's outrageous.
I found it hard to accept at first that I had done nothing wrong or nothing that contributed to the offending.
But none of us made our people do this. They hit the buttons on their computer etc.
My heart goes out to you.
I found it hard to accept at first that I had done nothing wrong or nothing that contributed to the offending.
But none of us made our people do this. They hit the buttons on their computer etc.
My heart goes out to you.
Bondi
this is not your fault-he was using every excuse to get a lighter sentence and minimise/justify his actions. Unfortunately he did this by throwing you under the bus. My ex blamed my lack of attention for his online wandering-I read it in the write up from when social services did an assessment of him as part of my capacity to protect. Blamed me for him feeling lonely.
(He's much more lonely now I've left him- so don't know how he didn't think about that side of it; idiot). He also did not make any attempt to change his scenario, seek help mention how he was feeling about this. Never did he suggest or hint he needed more help or was struggling.
I am not a mind reader and do not have a crystal ball.
He chose alll these bad options. If he's communicated before it got as bad as it did I could've supported him or helped make changes to prevent where this ended up.
Absolutely not your fault; there are a million other things your person could have done other than what he did. You are not to blame for his bad choices. The audacity.
this is not your fault-he was using every excuse to get a lighter sentence and minimise/justify his actions. Unfortunately he did this by throwing you under the bus. My ex blamed my lack of attention for his online wandering-I read it in the write up from when social services did an assessment of him as part of my capacity to protect. Blamed me for him feeling lonely.
(He's much more lonely now I've left him- so don't know how he didn't think about that side of it; idiot). He also did not make any attempt to change his scenario, seek help mention how he was feeling about this. Never did he suggest or hint he needed more help or was struggling.
I am not a mind reader and do not have a crystal ball.
He chose alll these bad options. If he's communicated before it got as bad as it did I could've supported him or helped make changes to prevent where this ended up.
Absolutely not your fault; there are a million other things your person could have done other than what he did. You are not to blame for his bad choices. The audacity.
I wasn't blamed for the offence, but I've been blamed for other things like the limited contact he has with our children.. it's a common theme I've found tbh. My person is very , very good at playing victim, deflecting the blame onto others and thinks he's suffering the most. this is why I stopped doing the supervision - for my own mental health and sanity. He argues it's selfish, but I think what he done was more selfish - he's in this mess because of his actions ultimately and he's not shown one bit of remorse for the consequences his children and me have had to endure!
you are not to blame, they are for their actions! So sorry this was even allowed to be used, I would have thought it would reflect badly on him? It's not showing any insight to the situation, just passing the blame x
you are not to blame, they are for their actions! So sorry this was even allowed to be used, I would have thought it would reflect badly on him? It's not showing any insight to the situation, just passing the blame x
Tired soul
Yel....unfortunately some of the offenders dont take full responsibility for their actions and like to play the victim not realising; yes the system is harsh as are the stigma associated but if they're truly honest the only one who could have prevented this is them. Failure to recognise the impact and damage they've caused on everyone else around them was particularly hard for me to come to terms with. I try not to let it get to me but at times when I'm struggling as a single parent and having to make excuses and omit facts to keep my family safe whilst he's complaining about his restrictions not appreciating how much worse it could have been; I feel resentful and am seething under the surface of keep calm and carry on facade.
I just keep telling myself to rise above it;I will carry on with dignity and determination to not let a selfish idiots bad decisions ruin mine and my child's life as well as their own. I'm better than that. We all know where the real blame lies....I'm not going to keep dragging it up as I need to move past it.
Yel....unfortunately some of the offenders dont take full responsibility for their actions and like to play the victim not realising; yes the system is harsh as are the stigma associated but if they're truly honest the only one who could have prevented this is them. Failure to recognise the impact and damage they've caused on everyone else around them was particularly hard for me to come to terms with. I try not to let it get to me but at times when I'm struggling as a single parent and having to make excuses and omit facts to keep my family safe whilst he's complaining about his restrictions not appreciating how much worse it could have been; I feel resentful and am seething under the surface of keep calm and carry on facade.
I just keep telling myself to rise above it;I will carry on with dignity and determination to not let a selfish idiots bad decisions ruin mine and my child's life as well as their own. I'm better than that. We all know where the real blame lies....I'm not going to keep dragging it up as I need to move past it.
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