Please help
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We had the knock 16th September. I am nearly 10 months postpartum we have been together nearly 8 years. He is the father of my child. I have only just returned to work from maternity leave.
I have no idea what is going to happen. He has admitted everything and been honest as soon as he hit the interrogation room. 2 Cat C images and some others lower than that. Nothing higher than Cat C. Nothing else other than the images
His devices taken, told up to a year for them to be looked at.
Conditional Bail, not allowed to spend overnight in the house with us and no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18
These images are from years ago before we even lived together in a period of time where we briefly broke up
What are the likely charges if nothing else is found?
Social services haven't been in contact yet, I am so scared they are going to take my baby
I am so devastated that when I think back to the first year of my baby's life this will haunt me
I am just completely devastated the unknown is killing me I'm already in therapy for numerous things I cannot believe this is happening to us
I feel like I am in a complete nightmare ????
I have no idea what is going to happen. He has admitted everything and been honest as soon as he hit the interrogation room. 2 Cat C images and some others lower than that. Nothing higher than Cat C. Nothing else other than the images
His devices taken, told up to a year for them to be looked at.
Conditional Bail, not allowed to spend overnight in the house with us and no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18
These images are from years ago before we even lived together in a period of time where we briefly broke up
What are the likely charges if nothing else is found?
Social services haven't been in contact yet, I am so scared they are going to take my baby
I am so devastated that when I think back to the first year of my baby's life this will haunt me
I am just completely devastated the unknown is killing me I'm already in therapy for numerous things I cannot believe this is happening to us
I feel like I am in a complete nightmare ????
Hey there, I was and still am in a similar situation. My daughter was 9 months old when we got to knock 4 days before christmas for possession of 2 class C images. He had already left for work so he was arrested very discreetly to be fair at work.
We had the same bail conditions and my parents automatically said you're coming to live with us and my husband went to live with his parents as he was suicidal at the time of arrest.
As long as you show to social services that your child comes first you'll be okay. They just want to know you're going to follow the bail and safe guard your child. They don't just take your child from you, there is a process for that if they were concerned.
I've chosen to stay with my husband and social services have "supported" me in this decision. I have had to go through some horrific potential scenarios with them because of the what ifs of the future. Which was not at all nice. But this was all due to a locked folder which they now know what's inside so that's thankfully stopped. For us forensics took 6 months and we are now awaiting CPS.
We had the same bail conditions and my parents automatically said you're coming to live with us and my husband went to live with his parents as he was suicidal at the time of arrest.
As long as you show to social services that your child comes first you'll be okay. They just want to know you're going to follow the bail and safe guard your child. They don't just take your child from you, there is a process for that if they were concerned.
I've chosen to stay with my husband and social services have "supported" me in this decision. I have had to go through some horrific potential scenarios with them because of the what ifs of the future. Which was not at all nice. But this was all due to a locked folder which they now know what's inside so that's thankfully stopped. For us forensics took 6 months and we are now awaiting CPS.
Hello thank you so much for your response. I'm sorry you have had to deal with this too.
I am staying with my partner too. He is also suicidal. We are following bail he is sleeping at my mums, I am staying in our home with our son and animals.
I think when I posted this I was a bit hysterical, logically I know that they can't just take my child. I am just so scared.
If you are willing to, would you be able to share potential outcomes that you and your husband have been told please? The unknown of what may happen is absolutely torturing me.
No problem if not.
I am staying with my partner too. He is also suicidal. We are following bail he is sleeping at my mums, I am staying in our home with our son and animals.
I think when I posted this I was a bit hysterical, logically I know that they can't just take my child. I am just so scared.
If you are willing to, would you be able to share potential outcomes that you and your husband have been told please? The unknown of what may happen is absolutely torturing me.
No problem if not.
Hi lovely, I'm so sorry you are in this situation especially at a time when you should be in a baby bubble.
I can't tell you a huge amount about the process as I'm only 3 months in. What I can say though is we all understand exactly how you are feeling and the emotions you will be going through - so many emotions!!! Also the first few days / weeks for me were hell on earth. I couldn't function, eat, sleep etc. My mind went to some very dark places and visited every possible scenario. People told me not to rush into decisions but I was desperate to make plans and choices to try and get some control. I now realise just how right the advice was.
3 months on I'm in a much better place. I'm not saying I don't have wobbles or tearful days, but i'm much more rational and feel more in control.
What I found helpful early on was to try and think of a list of practical jobs e.g changing the council tax, claiming child benefit etc, and I tried to tackle one job a day.
Of course you feel alone but please know we are all here to listen x
I can't tell you a huge amount about the process as I'm only 3 months in. What I can say though is we all understand exactly how you are feeling and the emotions you will be going through - so many emotions!!! Also the first few days / weeks for me were hell on earth. I couldn't function, eat, sleep etc. My mind went to some very dark places and visited every possible scenario. People told me not to rush into decisions but I was desperate to make plans and choices to try and get some control. I now realise just how right the advice was.
3 months on I'm in a much better place. I'm not saying I don't have wobbles or tearful days, but i'm much more rational and feel more in control.
What I found helpful early on was to try and think of a list of practical jobs e.g changing the council tax, claiming child benefit etc, and I tried to tackle one job a day.
Of course you feel alone but please know we are all here to listen x
Hello,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My little girl was born 4 months after the knock and I can remember how devastating and traumatic it was.
As others have mentioned above, social services will be wanting to see that your child comes above everything, that you are able to be a protective factor.
Have a look online, there are a couple of safety plans that you could use as a template to show social services how you can safely supervise. You can use them as the process continues, for example, they could be used to have a plan for how your person can safely be allowed to move back home, what can be put in place to help this happen.
I really am sorry you are going through this, it's all so unfair and undeserved. Take care x
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My little girl was born 4 months after the knock and I can remember how devastating and traumatic it was.
As others have mentioned above, social services will be wanting to see that your child comes above everything, that you are able to be a protective factor.
Have a look online, there are a couple of safety plans that you could use as a template to show social services how you can safely supervise. You can use them as the process continues, for example, they could be used to have a plan for how your person can safely be allowed to move back home, what can be put in place to help this happen.
I really am sorry you are going through this, it's all so unfair and undeserved. Take care x
It's absolutely heartbreaking. I really hope you can take some time to process everything, perhaps ask gp for a fit note as this path can get very bumpy.
my daughter is 7 months, I've still got a little leave remaining thankfully but we are 9 months on and although the initial shock and tears have gone it's still very much on my mind most days.
social services will likely want to assess how protective you are. OH didn't meet our daughter until she was almost 3 months(bail so no contact with u18), I'm sure it could have been sooner but I really was in no place to be dealing with safety plans. In my case I am allowed to supervise the contact, initially It seemed like I wouldn't be able to. We don't have an open case with them at the moment, it was closed when the police amended bail to allow supervised contact with only our daughter.
It's really not a group anyone wants to be in but honestly just reading people's experiences sometimes makes me feel so much less alone.
my daughter is 7 months, I've still got a little leave remaining thankfully but we are 9 months on and although the initial shock and tears have gone it's still very much on my mind most days.
social services will likely want to assess how protective you are. OH didn't meet our daughter until she was almost 3 months(bail so no contact with u18), I'm sure it could have been sooner but I really was in no place to be dealing with safety plans. In my case I am allowed to supervise the contact, initially It seemed like I wouldn't be able to. We don't have an open case with them at the moment, it was closed when the police amended bail to allow supervised contact with only our daughter.
It's really not a group anyone wants to be in but honestly just reading people's experiences sometimes makes me feel so much less alone.
Conversation I've has with the SS have been, what if he offended again? What would I do (I'd leave). What would I do of he did communication or contact offenses (I'd leave). What if there was worse images then class C (I'd stay) why am I staying. What would I do if he SA or worse our daughter.
We did a lot of what ifs because I chose to leave it up to the investigation to know exactly what was on his phone and exactly what had been done. Which they didn't much like I will say that. Got questioned a lot on how I could safe guard not knowing and not asking. They never took into account I had server PPD and was under the perinatal mental health team (which to be fair when this happened I realised how much I really was connected to my daughter). I honestly didn't cope well and found it easier to deal with it all in bite size pieces or I could feel the spiral or depression hitting.
But despite not necessarily agreeing with the SS's ways of doing things when I have a clear head and I don't have my angry crazy brain running on full pelt I know why they have asked what was asked and I agree with their position a lot when calm. They've said until court they can't say what the future holds. To them he will always he high risk and thus can never live with our daughter (that was a fun chat where I had to control my emotions). But I think my SS workers just focus on the extreme end of what may be. They keep talking about him going to jail and me being prepared for that, which I am because I have to be. I have since day one.
Every time I see the SS I'm unwell too. Like I'm seeing them next week and I feel so unwell right now. My husbands bails up before the meeting so I also have that on my mind as we haven't had the call to say it's been extended. So now my heads doing the little crazy run of what if. Prep for ever single scenario possible, wake up exhausted because my brains spent all night prepping the what ifs and the plans. And then I have SS thinking I'm not taking it seriously enough because I don't articulate well and I can't always get words I need out.
We did a lot of what ifs because I chose to leave it up to the investigation to know exactly what was on his phone and exactly what had been done. Which they didn't much like I will say that. Got questioned a lot on how I could safe guard not knowing and not asking. They never took into account I had server PPD and was under the perinatal mental health team (which to be fair when this happened I realised how much I really was connected to my daughter). I honestly didn't cope well and found it easier to deal with it all in bite size pieces or I could feel the spiral or depression hitting.
But despite not necessarily agreeing with the SS's ways of doing things when I have a clear head and I don't have my angry crazy brain running on full pelt I know why they have asked what was asked and I agree with their position a lot when calm. They've said until court they can't say what the future holds. To them he will always he high risk and thus can never live with our daughter (that was a fun chat where I had to control my emotions). But I think my SS workers just focus on the extreme end of what may be. They keep talking about him going to jail and me being prepared for that, which I am because I have to be. I have since day one.
Every time I see the SS I'm unwell too. Like I'm seeing them next week and I feel so unwell right now. My husbands bails up before the meeting so I also have that on my mind as we haven't had the call to say it's been extended. So now my heads doing the little crazy run of what if. Prep for ever single scenario possible, wake up exhausted because my brains spent all night prepping the what ifs and the plans. And then I have SS thinking I'm not taking it seriously enough because I don't articulate well and I can't always get words I need out.
Sunshine
They can be very stressful, but just remind yourself you are a good mother; you know you would do anything for your child and you are the expert in their wellbeing and their little personality-you've known them their whole life. SS job is to look at the worst possible scenarios and work backwards from that.
Can you have a family member or a trusted friend who knows your situation with you when they visit?
I found having someone else there for support much less stressful. Someone else to fight my corner and explain if I hadn't got my point across very well (or they'd misunderstood me), someone else to interpret what they were saying and someone else to help ask practical questions. One of ours was a bit of a bully who often had me in tears and I don't believe they would have done that if I wasn't on my own; hence the backup. They even accused me of being emotional-which I think anyone who wasn't after being put in this situation would be a massive red flag!
Perhaps write some questions down beforehand if it's likely that everything will just instantly be forgotten when you come to speak to them.
Good luck; and remember everything you are doing is for a happy healthy safe and as normal as possible childhood for your little one. That's what they should be holding you with.
They can be very stressful, but just remind yourself you are a good mother; you know you would do anything for your child and you are the expert in their wellbeing and their little personality-you've known them their whole life. SS job is to look at the worst possible scenarios and work backwards from that.
Can you have a family member or a trusted friend who knows your situation with you when they visit?
I found having someone else there for support much less stressful. Someone else to fight my corner and explain if I hadn't got my point across very well (or they'd misunderstood me), someone else to interpret what they were saying and someone else to help ask practical questions. One of ours was a bit of a bully who often had me in tears and I don't believe they would have done that if I wasn't on my own; hence the backup. They even accused me of being emotional-which I think anyone who wasn't after being put in this situation would be a massive red flag!
Perhaps write some questions down beforehand if it's likely that everything will just instantly be forgotten when you come to speak to them.
Good luck; and remember everything you are doing is for a happy healthy safe and as normal as possible childhood for your little one. That's what they should be holding you with.