How can I stop being scared and live my life?
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Since my last post where they took us to PLO (although doing everything that's been asked) (think the PLO is for funding we were told)
now there's been calls made to family member's for viability to be a carer if something happens and that my husband is a massive risk and he's said comments that he hasn't said (things been twisted he hasn't said what he's been accused of)
just bothers me they're saying my child is such a concern yet he lives with me and they have no concerns with my care of my child and they've said how positive reports are regarding me and this is just "something they have to do as part of PLO" and they don't wanna remove my child it's just if something happens...nothing will happen with me around id protect my kids with my life and I'm tired of being seen as someone who isn't protective when I do all I can. I even ask what more can I do I get told I've done all I can for now it's for my Husbands risk to drop before I can supervise?? But others can just go "oh yeah I understand the offence" and they can supervise just like that??? I've wrote essays researched done courses.....it's really messing with my head fear of losing my baby when I've done nothing wrong, and trying to figure out how I can be good enough, and am I being daft being scared of losing my child if I've doing nothing wrong am I overthinking??? They wanna do a psychological assessment on my husband after putting him high risk for a comment he made that was twisted and being accused of a breach that has been nothing more than misunderstanding not a breach (I've seen the evidence he asked police to dispose of the device )
now I'm pregnant by accident found out at 4 months they said 2 children won't change anything rules wise but so scared they're going to talk to me unprofessionally or scrutinise me....
am I overthinking this too much?? I care for my son and no concerns made for me other than constantly being told I don't understand something that I do and not being given the chance to prove it, how can I prove something if I can't show it through actions ??? This is absolutely mad does it ever end???
And why am I feeling like I'm a criminal when I'm nothing lore than a normal loving parent....don't feel I deserve this and it's breaking me I'm scared being this stressed will harm my baby, I want to always have them if I lost them I couldn't live , they are my life along with my husband as long as he continues to work so so hard which he is, but nothing seems enough
surely he can't be high risk forever???
positive stores please not slept in 2 days which is bad when pregnant I know but they are doing this to me, I feel bullied if I must be honest and don't underhand why or how this is allowed :( why do I deserve this
also bit random but does anyone else have a pure hatred for the word CONCERN??? It's like everything is a concern when there's no evidence it's making my blood boil!
now there's been calls made to family member's for viability to be a carer if something happens and that my husband is a massive risk and he's said comments that he hasn't said (things been twisted he hasn't said what he's been accused of)
just bothers me they're saying my child is such a concern yet he lives with me and they have no concerns with my care of my child and they've said how positive reports are regarding me and this is just "something they have to do as part of PLO" and they don't wanna remove my child it's just if something happens...nothing will happen with me around id protect my kids with my life and I'm tired of being seen as someone who isn't protective when I do all I can. I even ask what more can I do I get told I've done all I can for now it's for my Husbands risk to drop before I can supervise?? But others can just go "oh yeah I understand the offence" and they can supervise just like that??? I've wrote essays researched done courses.....it's really messing with my head fear of losing my baby when I've done nothing wrong, and trying to figure out how I can be good enough, and am I being daft being scared of losing my child if I've doing nothing wrong am I overthinking??? They wanna do a psychological assessment on my husband after putting him high risk for a comment he made that was twisted and being accused of a breach that has been nothing more than misunderstanding not a breach (I've seen the evidence he asked police to dispose of the device )
now I'm pregnant by accident found out at 4 months they said 2 children won't change anything rules wise but so scared they're going to talk to me unprofessionally or scrutinise me....
am I overthinking this too much?? I care for my son and no concerns made for me other than constantly being told I don't understand something that I do and not being given the chance to prove it, how can I prove something if I can't show it through actions ??? This is absolutely mad does it ever end???
And why am I feeling like I'm a criminal when I'm nothing lore than a normal loving parent....don't feel I deserve this and it's breaking me I'm scared being this stressed will harm my baby, I want to always have them if I lost them I couldn't live , they are my life along with my husband as long as he continues to work so so hard which he is, but nothing seems enough
surely he can't be high risk forever???
positive stores please not slept in 2 days which is bad when pregnant I know but they are doing this to me, I feel bullied if I must be honest and don't underhand why or how this is allowed :( why do I deserve this
also bit random but does anyone else have a pure hatred for the word CONCERN??? It's like everything is a concern when there's no evidence it's making my blood boil!
Think we have chatted on other threads. I have gone through PLO and come out the other side. Please try not to get too wound up about this. It's standard procedure as part of the PLO that they have names of potential carers for your child/children. I told my solicitor that we don't have any potential people that can take care of my child as potential carers that live within the vicinity of her school do not have physical capacity to house another child. If we look further afield then it means her moving school. Nobody said anything to that. I had a capacity to protect assessment and my OH had a risk of sexual harm assessment. Mine came back that I'm highly protective and his came back low risk. This has completely gone against probations view. My OH had massive issues with his probation officer and constantly labelling him as high risk. This independent assessment has blown this all apart now. Don't let them beat you down and get to you. You can be strong for the sake of your children, you can do this x
Thankyou! Glad this has ended well for you if you don't mind me asking what are the next steps now for you? My capacity is still being worked on as they said the initial work wasn't enough but if I ask if I can do any more they always say not now but they'll let me know so can't be doing that wrong....
Very similar case for us hoping the assessment will prove them absolutely wrong because I'm sick of them feels like more damage being done than anything else
Very similar case for us hoping the assessment will prove them absolutely wrong because I'm sick of them feels like more damage being done than anything else
We have our next conference in a couple of weeks. I want the case moving down to CIN at the very least. The assessment has proved that the threshold of significant harm was never met and our daughter has been on a CPP for 15 months for nothing. I am so angry, I really hope the ombudsman rips them apart when they get involved. What makes it even worse is that the psychologist didn't even make any recommendations- for my OH, she said there isn't any work that can be done to reduce the risk any lower and all she suggested was relational therapy which he isn't that bothered doing. For me, it was just psycho education just to build on my strengths. My solicitor just said that SS just need to back off and leave us alone now, this has gone on way longer than what it should have x
it's all so cruel. What do us partners do so wrong in all this because I feel like I'm a criminal I really do and I'm completely innocent :( just a loving mother nothing more.
I know this may sound nosy but what do the pshy assessments typically involve?? My husband just wants to do right, we need him home, can't imagine being alone with 2 babies if I have another c section which is my plan :/ he's doing this course with probation too, should think this will help too, seems odd they haven't sent me for a further assessment in capacity to protect, surely they must see potential in me or they would do this? x
I know this may sound nosy but what do the pshy assessments typically involve?? My husband just wants to do right, we need him home, can't imagine being alone with 2 babies if I have another c section which is my plan :/ he's doing this course with probation too, should think this will help too, seems odd they haven't sent me for a further assessment in capacity to protect, surely they must see potential in me or they would do this? x
it's all so cruel. What do us partners do so wrong in all this because I feel like I'm a criminal I really do and I'm completely innocent :( just a loving mother nothing more.
I know this may sound nosy but what do the pshy assessments typically involve?? My husband just wants to do right, we need him home, can't imagine being alone with 2 babies if I have another c section which is my plan :/ he's doing this course with probation too, should think this will help too, seems odd they haven't sent me for a further assessment in capacity to protect, surely they must see potential in me or they would do this? x
I know this may sound nosy but what do the pshy assessments typically involve?? My husband just wants to do right, we need him home, can't imagine being alone with 2 babies if I have another c section which is my plan :/ he's doing this course with probation too, should think this will help too, seems odd they haven't sent me for a further assessment in capacity to protect, surely they must see potential in me or they would do this? x
In PLO, we went against our solicitors and SS advice and didn't give any alternative carer names. We said only a small amount know and it's not in the best interests of our child for those people to be assessed and get references from people that don't know. No point in upsetting the apple cart unnecessarily. We gave names of people that are authorised to supervise and if it came to it (high risk outcome say) then they'd go through the alternate carer procedure. Glad we did this in the end as now it's all closed after 9 months and no more people needed to know about the offence / SS involvement.
For my capacity to protect, the assessor goes through everything - your upbringing, education, support network growing up, past relationships, how you met your OH, what was your relationship like before the offence. How you found out about the offence, what boundaries have you put in place etc.. there is no stone left unturned. At my last PLO meeting, I asked who is the report shared with eg probation, school. They said no one, it's confidential, at most the assessment will be summarised for other professionals for decision making which was a relief to hear. Also, as a result, SS did a complete U turn on telling my daughter why SS are involved. They were adamant she has to be told something in a child friendly way ( she is 9 next week). They have gone back in this now after receiving the assessment.
In my assessment, the psychologist documented that non offending parents are secondary victims and support should be provided. She also recommending I do the talking forward course as this is "not my shame to carry". I made a point of telling SS I want to do this course due to constantly being judged by all involved.
xx
In my assessment, the psychologist documented that non offending parents are secondary victims and support should be provided. She also recommending I do the talking forward course as this is "not my shame to carry". I made a point of telling SS I want to do this course due to constantly being judged by all involved.
xx