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Ask Lucy - live session 7-9pm this evening (28/11/2018)

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

185 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 6:58pmReport post

Hi all, just to say that I am here now for the forum's first Q&A session, from 7-9pm this evening. Apologies again for postponing this session from last week.

I think the easiest way of doing this will be for you to post your questions on this topic thread.

Hope to hear from some of you soon, thanks Lucy

Edited by moderator Mon May 20, 2019 12:10pm

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

185 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 7:24pmReport post

Hi poster, the answer is no, there is no ongoing support from the Probation Service as a matter of course. That said, there is nothing to stop someone re-contacting their probation officer and, on a case-by-case basis, perhaps some suport will be offered. Support should be provided by the police officer who is reponsible for enforcing the order, too - so there is still professional involvement.

I hope that helps, and offers some reassurance. Thanks for your question, Lucy

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 1:40pm

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

185 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 7:51pmReport post

Thank you for your feedback poster, and thank you for using this forum. We are heartened and touched by the take-up of the service and the wonderful support that people are offering to each other. Best wishes to everyone from all of us at Stop it Now!

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 1:40pm

Maria

Member since
September 2018

286 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 8:26pmReport post

I feel im treated like i have had a part to play in my partners offending ie questions from social worjers about our sex life, my role within the family, i feel people are constantly trying to put some blame onto me even when im sure they dont mean it. I feel people are trying to put me in a box. Like they expect all families to be the same. As i am not to weak, abused wife it appears to confuse some professionals. Is that the case that most women in these type of cases are abused or weak or is this just poor understanding from some professionals?

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

185 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 8:37pmReport post

Hi Maria, I am sorry to hear about how the involvement of safeguarding professionals, for want of a better phrase, is leaving you feeling, and I am glad you have found this forum. No, it isn't the case that spouses and partners in these situations are weak or have a history of abuse, but, of course, that can be the case.

I don't know the details of your situation so this is a general point: the professionals involved often have the tricky job of trying to assess the extent to which any children might be at risk of sexual harm. This process can involve asking questions about a couple's sexual relationship, and exploring the wider dynamics of their relationship, too. This is not easy. Likewise, sometimes professionals have to make quite defensive and conservative assumptions about these risks because the outcomes of getting things wrong is serious. Communication - which is a two-way street - is the key. We always encourage people to engage in this process as best they can, and also to be assertive about their concerns / questions. I hope that helps a little. Please do call our Stop it Now! Helpline 0808 1000 900 if you want to discuss all this in more detai with one of our operators. Best wishes, Lucy

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

185 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 8:39pmReport post

Maria, I should have added this too: you are not responsible for your partner's behaviour.

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

185 posts

Posted Wed November 28, 2018 9:02pmReport post

Thanks for your questions poster, and Maria. And thank you, too, to those who might have been reading.

Please keep supporting one another through this forum, and please call the Stop it Now! Helpline should you wish to speak to one of our operators. The lines are open from 9.00am - 9.00pm, Mon - Thurs, and 9.00am - 5.00pm on Fridays.

Thanks, Lucy

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 1:40pm

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