Son just turned 18
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Hi all
Have wanted to post here for such a long time but have always been frightened i guess of the things I might find out.
My son was arrested in Dec 2024 when he was 16 for sharing an Cat A video online. He was 15 at the time. He gave a first no comment interview with his Dad as appropriate adult who himself has cognitive issues and should never have been there in first place!! but then at second interview when it emerges he has 249 things in his phone, Cat A B and C and a lot of which were prohibited images (didn't think it was illegal because it was cartoons!!), he just opened up about how he was sick with himself and I was there as appropriate adult, my heart broke into a million pieces.
Now we have the agonising wait for the CPS to come back with charges, the report went in last week. He will enter a guilty plea. But it's taken so long he is now just 18 and the thought of him in adult court terrifies me, I just don't think he is strong enough. Never mind the life he has to live now the press can attend.
I am really losing my mind as you can imagine, I can't sleep, can't eat, I feel like a ghost. How do I get through this, get him through this?
Have wanted to post here for such a long time but have always been frightened i guess of the things I might find out.
My son was arrested in Dec 2024 when he was 16 for sharing an Cat A video online. He was 15 at the time. He gave a first no comment interview with his Dad as appropriate adult who himself has cognitive issues and should never have been there in first place!! but then at second interview when it emerges he has 249 things in his phone, Cat A B and C and a lot of which were prohibited images (didn't think it was illegal because it was cartoons!!), he just opened up about how he was sick with himself and I was there as appropriate adult, my heart broke into a million pieces.
Now we have the agonising wait for the CPS to come back with charges, the report went in last week. He will enter a guilty plea. But it's taken so long he is now just 18 and the thought of him in adult court terrifies me, I just don't think he is strong enough. Never mind the life he has to live now the press can attend.
I am really losing my mind as you can imagine, I can't sleep, can't eat, I feel like a ghost. How do I get through this, get him through this?
Sorry you find yourself here.. l am sure that they will attempt to hold the case in a youth court if possible, even though he has turned 18, but it cannot be guaranteed.. fingers crossed.
The young man in our family was 17 at the time of the knock but 20 before it got to court but it was still heard in the Juvenile court with no press, though we didn't know this would happen until the day of the hearing.
Thanks so much for your replies. I Literally feel like I am losing my mind in all of this. I look at the big, daft, now 6'4" lump that he is and think 'what have you done??'
I spoke to someone from this foundation last night and that made me feel a little better, they have given me some information on courses he can do himself.
I spoke to someone from this foundation last night and that made me feel a little better, they have given me some information on courses he can do himself.
Hi WorriedMum,
I can really relate to how your feeling it's such an horrific time to go through, we are nearly a year through this journey ourselves with our 22yr old Autistic Son that supposedly offended when he was 19 via snapchat, nothing found on his phone at triage but awaiting forensics still to come back - we are looking at early next year for some sort of conclusion on this according to the solicitor due to the back log of phone forensics, police reports etc it's just an agonising time.
I look at my Son in the same way as you have stated, sometimes I could shake him with all the pain he's caused and other times my heart just breaks at how vulnerable I know he is and would have been at the time and I know he doesn't understand the enormity of what he's done (and I'm not making excuses for him in any way it's just so difficult )
Feel free to message me if you wish, I know how rock bottom you feel with no escape, it's horrendous xxx
I can really relate to how your feeling it's such an horrific time to go through, we are nearly a year through this journey ourselves with our 22yr old Autistic Son that supposedly offended when he was 19 via snapchat, nothing found on his phone at triage but awaiting forensics still to come back - we are looking at early next year for some sort of conclusion on this according to the solicitor due to the back log of phone forensics, police reports etc it's just an agonising time.
I look at my Son in the same way as you have stated, sometimes I could shake him with all the pain he's caused and other times my heart just breaks at how vulnerable I know he is and would have been at the time and I know he doesn't understand the enormity of what he's done (and I'm not making excuses for him in any way it's just so difficult )
Feel free to message me if you wish, I know how rock bottom you feel with no escape, it's horrendous xxx
I resonate so much with the comments above... every day l say to myself, what have you done son.. l resent the problems this is causing physiologically but at the end of the day he is my son.. he is trying his best to change things and has made massive steps this last year regardless of all this.. l truly believe that he would not go back and do what he did, again... he did it for less illegal reasons and l just wish it would all go away... but there is a process to follow and closure is needed one way or another... any way another weekend approaches.. at least the sum is out..
Worried Mum, big daft lump... couldn't describe my son any better..take care..
Worried Mum, big daft lump... couldn't describe my son any better..take care..
Really struggling today. Must stop Google-bashing potential outcomes. I read one thing that puts me at ease then five hundred other things that send me off again. Cried all morning.
I feel so alone, I have no partner I can confide in or work through this with, it's just me, the boy and his elder brother.
I'm appalled at some of the things he was looking at and I don't understand why but I also love him so much and therefore have all these conflicting feelings I don't know how to process, and of course the parent-guilt is overwhelming. If only me and his Dad hadn't split, etc etc ad infinitum.
Am already paranoid that everyone in the village knows, by some form of thought-osmosis, so god only knows what I will be like once we get a court date.
Don't you just wish you could turn the clock back and tell them, hey, when you get that thought in your head, just don't!!
I feel so alone, I have no partner I can confide in or work through this with, it's just me, the boy and his elder brother.
I'm appalled at some of the things he was looking at and I don't understand why but I also love him so much and therefore have all these conflicting feelings I don't know how to process, and of course the parent-guilt is overwhelming. If only me and his Dad hadn't split, etc etc ad infinitum.
Am already paranoid that everyone in the village knows, by some form of thought-osmosis, so god only knows what I will be like once we get a court date.
Don't you just wish you could turn the clock back and tell them, hey, when you get that thought in your head, just don't!!
Can so relate to this. Son was just 18 when arrested for offences when he was younger. He's also neurodivergent. We're 8 months into the long wait with brutal conditions that have meant he wasn't able to live at home due to siblings. So hard just waiting and fear of all the unknowns to come. I fear he will go through adult court and am terrified of it going public. Whole thing is so brutal and life changing for everyone. Please don't blame yourself, I really feel the problem is social media and the dark web, and a lack of real education and information on the dangers especially those with neurodivergence. Add in the weird covid years this age group went through that added to their isolation and social challenges, pushing them into seeking connections online and ending up in unhealthy spaces that shouldn't be allowed to exist in my view. It breaks my heart the impact on them when already quite vulnerable themselves. Just so sad. The only way I can find to get through is to try not to think too far ahead and concentrate on the little wins and nice things we can do each week. Sending support to you all x
Worried Mum I am thinking of you, it's all so hard. So much waiting and it's such a shame that he is now 18 when it took place when he was only 15 :-(
Hope you're okay xx
Hope you're okay xx
Thanks Crushed
Am really really not ok. Have no support, my boy is my world. Thinking about how it would go to do a Thelma and Louise and then there would be none of this. Agony.
Am really really not ok. Have no support, my boy is my world. Thinking about how it would go to do a Thelma and Louise and then there would be none of this. Agony.
