LFF - Please help with support groups
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I would very much like to see if there is any way that you, LFF, could facilitate us meeting for mutual support in a safe environment. I know that you offer a course for partners, but actually, I'd really rather meet and have informal chats and support with people in my situation that live locally to me. This needn't be high cost, just needs to be safe.
I would appreciate thoughts from LFF and others .
It seems strange that I could easily find a support group if I was an addict or victim of domestic violence etc, but as a secondary victim of this crime there is nothing available.
We support each other virtually, and yet it is the virtual world that got our loved ones in this mess!!
I would appreciate thoughts from LFF and others .
It seems strange that I could easily find a support group if I was an addict or victim of domestic violence etc, but as a secondary victim of this crime there is nothing available.
We support each other virtually, and yet it is the virtual world that got our loved ones in this mess!!
Hey tabs I completely agree.
I have an amazing network of women in touch with on WhatsApp and sometimes zoom who I've met via the forums and also the inform course. However.... I would love to meet some women in 'real' life too. I live in the North West of England and every woman I speak to is at least 200 miles away from me!
I've learnt that there is no support or funding for partners of offenders never mind this offence in general.
I would love to see us link up as buddy's / mentors with people local to us. Xx
I have an amazing network of women in touch with on WhatsApp and sometimes zoom who I've met via the forums and also the inform course. However.... I would love to meet some women in 'real' life too. I live in the North West of England and every woman I speak to is at least 200 miles away from me!
I've learnt that there is no support or funding for partners of offenders never mind this offence in general.
I would love to see us link up as buddy's / mentors with people local to us. Xx
Hi all
i second the above comments . Meeting other ladies on here is a lifesaver because they understand in a way what your going through like nobody else can. I was lucky that back when you were allowed to give out your mumsnet username on here I connected with other ladies. From there, I've joined a couple of groups on wassap that the ladies on here have set up. From there I discovered that one of the ladies in the group lived very near to me. We have met in person several times and it's a life saver. We don't meet every week but just the fact we can meet whether things are bad or not is so beneficial because there are no judgment on me for standing by my son. It's not meeting just to speak about what's happened to us with this offence. We talk about all sorts of normal things to. I wish the site would find a way for us to communicate safely somewhere in private. Here is hoping they will find a way around it c
i second the above comments . Meeting other ladies on here is a lifesaver because they understand in a way what your going through like nobody else can. I was lucky that back when you were allowed to give out your mumsnet username on here I connected with other ladies. From there, I've joined a couple of groups on wassap that the ladies on here have set up. From there I discovered that one of the ladies in the group lived very near to me. We have met in person several times and it's a life saver. We don't meet every week but just the fact we can meet whether things are bad or not is so beneficial because there are no judgment on me for standing by my son. It's not meeting just to speak about what's happened to us with this offence. We talk about all sorts of normal things to. I wish the site would find a way for us to communicate safely somewhere in private. Here is hoping they will find a way around it c
I would very much like to be able to meet others who have been or are going through this trauma in person. I had the Inform course delivered on a one to one basis and whilst being a valuable experience did nothing to make me feel less alone. I am very conscious that written messages such as those we share on this forum can sometimes be misunderstood without the cues present when meeting face to face and feel that some sort of support group or mentoring system would be invaluable in mine and others recoveries.
The inform plus courses were face to face before the pandemic and they were set up regionally and Llf quickly set up the zoom meetings so as they could continue during the pandemic and during sessions the facilitators encourage the ladies to stay in touch and support each other.
I have spoken to two councellors about this locally as well as I know there are ladies close to me as well but there is no way to contact them.
Maybe when covide restrictions are eased, and the stay at home message has changed, Lucy Faithfull could have a list of ladies who want to reach out in person and details could be passed on but there will always be issues with data protection and being 100 % certain that everyone is genuine and that is always difficult to get around.
Jx
I have spoken to two councellors about this locally as well as I know there are ladies close to me as well but there is no way to contact them.
Maybe when covide restrictions are eased, and the stay at home message has changed, Lucy Faithfull could have a list of ladies who want to reach out in person and details could be passed on but there will always be issues with data protection and being 100 % certain that everyone is genuine and that is always difficult to get around.
Jx
This is a great idea. I'm not sure I'm personally ready to meet face to face yet myself (plus I don't drive!) but I'd like to think I would be and would find that invaluable.
To be honest, I'd be grateful for something as simple as a private way to communicate or a more real-time way of connecting. I ended up finding this forum after first going tnrough Facebook groups as that's my preferred way to connect but there's no support like this on Facebook. There are ways of creating truly private groups in FB that can't even be searched for and I have been toying with the idea in my mind of allowing entry to it via some sort of referral system, maybe from SS but not sure how if the person doesn't have kids or SS involvement. I know LFF offer a fully anonymous service but I know I'd be willing to break anonymity to get that extra support if I knew it was for the protection of all and that others who were admitted had to do the same. Does that make sense? I don't know if it's do-able, I just know that I spend hours constantly refreshing this forum on some days and wish there was another way to connect.
To be honest, I'd be grateful for something as simple as a private way to communicate or a more real-time way of connecting. I ended up finding this forum after first going tnrough Facebook groups as that's my preferred way to connect but there's no support like this on Facebook. There are ways of creating truly private groups in FB that can't even be searched for and I have been toying with the idea in my mind of allowing entry to it via some sort of referral system, maybe from SS but not sure how if the person doesn't have kids or SS involvement. I know LFF offer a fully anonymous service but I know I'd be willing to break anonymity to get that extra support if I knew it was for the protection of all and that others who were admitted had to do the same. Does that make sense? I don't know if it's do-able, I just know that I spend hours constantly refreshing this forum on some days and wish there was another way to connect.
I tried the stop so forum but my inbox just kept getting filled with all sorts of emails and I found it too overwhelming.
Yes, I take your point about social media. I deleted mine and joined with a new name (as the judge granted permission for me to change my daughters name so I changed mine too) and I have only added a handful of supportive friends. The only people who know who I am on there are the ones I want to know. I realise not everyone is in the same position.
I wish there was a middle ground.
Yes, I take your point about social media. I deleted mine and joined with a new name (as the judge granted permission for me to change my daughters name so I changed mine too) and I have only added a handful of supportive friends. The only people who know who I am on there are the ones I want to know. I realise not everyone is in the same position.
I wish there was a middle ground.
I am so grateful for the contact I have off this forum with one other lady who is going through similar vigilante hell. I made this connection via mumsnet. It took me ages to pluck up the courage to phone. This experience damages all trust, and particularly trust in any form of social media.
My friends are great, and very supportive. But sometimes I find it too exhausting to try to explain how I feel, what I have discovered etc. I just want to be, to know that someone just gets it, without too much explaining. I've now got to the point, after baring my soul in the early days weeks abs months, to not wanting to talk about this situation at all, as I feel I am having to explain 'his' story, not mine.
I do hope someone listens!!!
Xx
My friends are great, and very supportive. But sometimes I find it too exhausting to try to explain how I feel, what I have discovered etc. I just want to be, to know that someone just gets it, without too much explaining. I've now got to the point, after baring my soul in the early days weeks abs months, to not wanting to talk about this situation at all, as I feel I am having to explain 'his' story, not mine.
I do hope someone listens!!!
Xx
what an amazing idea as I have no one I can talk to about this I live in Scotland is there anyone on here from Scotland
I have talked to my husbands specialist solicitor and to my therapist about networking for partners....and I can't get even get any dialogue going with my MP or Police, so feel disappointed that no one who is the position to do something actually does anything to help! I wonder what the reason is?
The cynic in me says they prefer not to acknowledge the casualties along the way. They prefer to prescribe to the 'type' which is that these offences are committed by males, between the ages of 35 to 55 and who are loners with no families or support. I think that's how they justify how it happens and how they conveniently overlook the families when there is one.
I obsessively read every 'P' article that comes up in my local area and I have only ever read about the offender having a family one a tiny handful of cases and usually they are the ones where the offender was in a position of power, such as a school teacher, etc. Most of the others have no mention of families at all so I think it's naturally assumed they have none?
If those in power were to acknowledge the families, they'd have to address a lot of how this all works already. It's too much hard work for them.
I obsessively read every 'P' article that comes up in my local area and I have only ever read about the offender having a family one a tiny handful of cases and usually they are the ones where the offender was in a position of power, such as a school teacher, etc. Most of the others have no mention of families at all so I think it's naturally assumed they have none?
If those in power were to acknowledge the families, they'd have to address a lot of how this all works already. It's too much hard work for them.
DD I am also in Scotland, I have connected with other ladies on here, via mumsnet, and we now have WhatsApp groups, and I have actually physically met up too.
That is a great idea and I would love to meet up if and when we can. I am based in the South East about 40 miles from London.
Thanks a lot xxx
Thanks a lot xxx
Hi all
I think this is a brillant idea,I am in Surrey if anyone nearby.
I think this is a brillant idea,I am in Surrey if anyone nearby.
I'm not far from lee1969 and have the pleasure of calling her a really good friend of mine. Sounds like there is a bunch of us about 40 miles out of London. Surrey / West Sussex.
Rainbowgirl80 I'm in the Northwest..I'm not on netmums so I've no idea how we could facilitate to get connected. I would be fine with LFF passing over my mobile number to you if it gives us a way to support each other!
I'd really love to connect too!. I've been on this forum about 9, 10 weeks and I've found it a huge comfort, especially in the early weeks when my whole world seemed to collapse. I think women naturally rally round don't they?!. I would love to talk honestly and openly about me!. You know my kids, my hobbies, just normal life. Obviously we are all going through different horrendous situations but sometimes just connecting with a few other ladies and getting to know their lives outside of this horrible thing that we have in common brings strength, I know it does to me!. I'm right in the middle of the country, Derbyshire area, mind you I'd love a coffee morning with Lee and Dottie! Sounds wonderful! Xx
I am near Tunbridge Wells, working at home most days and would be great to meet anyone nearby when we can xx
Hi mindul,
Aww it would be great to be able to swap details and chat with a view to meeting one day. This is a lonely journey we are all on.
I am not sure there is a way of swapping details now other than via stop so.
I hope lff read and respond to this thread. Xx
Aww it would be great to be able to swap details and chat with a view to meeting one day. This is a lonely journey we are all on.
I am not sure there is a way of swapping details now other than via stop so.
I hope lff read and respond to this thread. Xx
Hello everyone,
As ever thank you for using this forum and for the valuable support you give to each other. Thank you, too, for raising the idea about meeting in person in small groups. We can readily see the attraction of such an idea, and it is one of the key reasons why we developed our Inform group programme: to enable people to meet others in similar situations for mutual support.
The challenge for us is to work out a way of enabling such meetings to take place without compromising anyone’s safety. This is the reason why we ask people not to exchange their usernames on other forums, or any other information that might identify a forum-user, on this forum. Ours is an open, public forum and anyone can read these posts, and if people exchange this type of information, they potentially place themselves at risk. For example, someone with abusive intentions could use this information to direct message you on another forum. They could send you abusive messages or, worse still, try to meet up with you under a false identity. Please be careful. For the same reason, we cannot advertise a meeting for forum users, providing a time, date and venue, as we have no way of knowing who might actually attend.
However, perhaps there are other ways we might be able to facilitate meetings, which would not carry the same risks. This is something we shall consider and which has some overlap with the current evaluation of the forum that is being undertaken by the University of Huddersfield (thank you to those of you who have contributed their survey: https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/family-and-friends/family-and-friends-forum/topic/2016 ). To that end, we shall explore the idea of facilitating meetings with forum users with the researchers, and so give your suggestion the thought and consideration it deserves. The upsides, after all, are clear to see.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Best wishes,
Lucy
As ever thank you for using this forum and for the valuable support you give to each other. Thank you, too, for raising the idea about meeting in person in small groups. We can readily see the attraction of such an idea, and it is one of the key reasons why we developed our Inform group programme: to enable people to meet others in similar situations for mutual support.
The challenge for us is to work out a way of enabling such meetings to take place without compromising anyone’s safety. This is the reason why we ask people not to exchange their usernames on other forums, or any other information that might identify a forum-user, on this forum. Ours is an open, public forum and anyone can read these posts, and if people exchange this type of information, they potentially place themselves at risk. For example, someone with abusive intentions could use this information to direct message you on another forum. They could send you abusive messages or, worse still, try to meet up with you under a false identity. Please be careful. For the same reason, we cannot advertise a meeting for forum users, providing a time, date and venue, as we have no way of knowing who might actually attend.
However, perhaps there are other ways we might be able to facilitate meetings, which would not carry the same risks. This is something we shall consider and which has some overlap with the current evaluation of the forum that is being undertaken by the University of Huddersfield (thank you to those of you who have contributed their survey: https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/family-and-friends/family-and-friends-forum/topic/2016 ). To that end, we shall explore the idea of facilitating meetings with forum users with the researchers, and so give your suggestion the thought and consideration it deserves. The upsides, after all, are clear to see.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Best wishes,
Lucy
Thank you so much Lucy.