Family and Friends Forum

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Sat June 22, 2019 10:40pmReport post

hiya, I guess this is a question for LF. I’ve looked at the forum agreement and can’t see anything about discouraging us (as innocent individuals) from meeting up face to face. Almost on every thread people are asking about being able to meet face to face, as a group, to help us on this horrible journey.

Is this something LF can look at facilitating? If not could we be told of the reasons against it?

This forum has been a godsend and maybe to the odd one or two a lifesaver! LF you’ve created a monster (in a good way!) It’s been so successful that people are really wanting the next step, from a virtual world into the real world. It’s this virtual world that’s caused us so many problems. Reaching out into the real world would be so positive for many of us.

I’m sure there are reasons other than resources that may make LF not wish to be involved but it would be good to be informed of any reasons why we couldn’t meet face to face?

LF if you could respond that would be great. Ta.

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 8:58amReport post

Hi Jaded

i was thinking o writing exactly the same question but I was still considering how to word it!

you couldn’t have put it better!

yes please consider this LF?

Mabel x

Big sigh

Member since
December 2018

244 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 9:28amReport post

Yes, I have even been thinking I could set up another email account and give that email address out and after some correspondence then arrange a phone call with one/ some of you. There are ways to do it carefully without letting the whole world know who you are

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 10:17amReport post

I was wondering if I should give my username on Mumsnet or something? You can correspond by pm on there. How other would you suggest Big Sigh?

Big sigh

Member since
December 2018

244 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 11:56amReport post

Hi Jaded - if u felt ok doing that. I don’t use them but could register.

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 12:37pmReport post

Well I’m registered as Jaded123. No posts on there yet and no identifying info so if you find me it’s all good!

Big sigh

Member since
December 2018

244 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 1:55pmReport post

Can’t find you if you don’t post anything x

Big sigh

Member since
December 2018

244 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 3:09pmReport post

Hi Jaded - worked out how to do it and have sent pm x

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:02pmReport post

I've just signed up with Mumsnet, that took some doing, I'm now going to try and suss out how to send a message x

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:05pmReport post

Just sent you a message Jaded, not in this name on here, hour it gets through to you xx

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:08pmReport post

Well now I can’t even find the profile I set up on Mumsnet! What a complicated, yukky format to navigate?! I’ve tried to set up a new one but I’m going around in circles

I wouldnt pm my profile or send any personal info at this stage.





Any other suggestions?

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:10pmReport post

I’ve messaged Mumsnet directly for a response, see what they advise? Or if anyone feels comfortable to share their Mumsnet profile name I could message you

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:15pmReport post

Mine is TB14

Jaded

Member since
December 2018

202 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:22pmReport post

Right I’ve just changed mine to Jaded1967 (I didn’t get any private messages on the other one?)

I’m sure we’ll all get a telling off for this :-/

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:29pmReport post

I've just sent another one - fingers crossed xx

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 5:35pmReport post

It only bloody works guys - I could cry with happiness xx

Stardust

Member since
November 2018

54 posts

Posted Sun June 23, 2019 7:50pmReport post

I have also been thinking about this for months. This forum is a God send but I am also very aware anyone can read it so I dont always but everything that i need to. Meeting up together would be amazing xx

Whatnow

Member since
June 2019

12 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 12:31amReport post

I've pm'd you on Mumsnet Tracey, fingers crossed you get it.

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 1:49pmReport post

Hi

so I set me up as well on Mumsnet!

I am Mabel111

would be lovely to chat or meet up!

Mabel x

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 3:56pmReport post

How do I do this?



Do I set up account on mumsnet? Thanks x

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 6:21pmReport post

Hi Rainbow

I set an account up on Mumsnet and from that some of us have swapped email addresses too, it's absolutely the best thing ever. Can't wait to hear from you xx

Jayne G

Member since
March 2019

125 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 8:36pmReport post

Hey everyone, I’ve just signed up to mumsnet too. Jaded, I *think* I’ve sent you a message, but I’m not sure!

My username is JayneG1989 for anyone else who’s on there. Just in the process of setting up a new email. (Shock of shocks, Jayne isn’t my real first name!) xx

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 9:03pmReport post

Hows it going every one are you able to connect?

i also feel very vulnerable that everyone can read this forum it will be good of jaded has found away people can have private chats. Xxx

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 9:44pmReport post

Hi Bethlou23

It really does work, I'm now in touch with 7 people, please try it, I can assure you I'm not getting vibes that people aren't who they say they are.

I was thinking about you today and wondering how you were?

xx

Jayne G

Member since
March 2019

125 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 10:35pmReport post

Bethlou, do it. Do you remember when you found this forum, that feeling of “oh my god - I’m not the only one”? It’s like having that feeling all over again, but stronger. I’ve not spoken with anyone I don’t feel is genuine yet, but I set up a fake email purely for that purpose. Given our partners/brothers/sons have all committed offences online, I feel like anyone genuine will understand me being guarded. Anyone who has a problem with it is probably the kind of person whose “support” I don’t need xx

Whatnow

Member since
June 2019

12 posts

Posted Mon June 24, 2019 11:27pmReport post

Hi all, I've been in touch with Tracey through mumsnet today and I can't tell you how much of a relief that has been. I'll try and message some more over the next few days. I've yet to find the time or courage to post my experience so far to the forum but it's so helpful so read some of the posts. I'm new as in we had the knock on Thursday 13th June and it's blown my life to bits, but I'll get there xx

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

373 posts

Posted Tue June 25, 2019 3:36pmReport post

Hello,

We are very pleased that this forum has been such a success for almost a year now, and from reading your posts it is clear that you have found it to be a very positive platform through which you can support one another.

In response to the discussion about people’s desire for ‘face to face’ support, we recognise the limitations of the forum in this regard, and we appreciate why you would wish to meet up with each other in person. However, unfortunately this is not something that The Lucy Faithfull Foundation can facilitate at the current time. This is because we do not have the resources to develop and implement a system that would enable us to verify everyone’s identities, which we would be obliged to do due to the open nature of the forum. Your safety and well-being is our priority, and there is always the risk that someone else, with less positive motives, might want to attend an offline meeting. As we all know, there are always some risks when people move online relationships offline.



Equally, it is not our place to stop you having contact with one another offline, and nor could we do so. This is a private decision for each of you. However, as well as the upsides, we would encourage you all to think about the potential downsides, too. Please take steps to ensure you are not meeting someone who might have a hidden agenda and/or an axe to grind, or put yourselves in a vulnerable position. It is for this reason that we cannot allow people to publicise a date and venue for a meeting on the forum – who knows who might turn up. We hope that makes sense.



Please remember, too, that we do encourage people who attend our Inform programme (for people in similar situations to users of this forum) to maintain contact with one another after they have completed the programme. You can find more information can be found about this here, if you would like to take part in one of these courses please call our Stop It Now! helpline.

Thanks,

Lucy

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Tue June 25, 2019 9:02pmReport post

That’s reassuring. I am going to look into the mums net thing, It may take me till tomorrow to try and work it all out.

there is questions and conversations people don’t want to ask on the open forum. Though I am forever grateful for finding this forum pretty much the same time as the knock.

i am okay Tracey back at work now and trying to catch up after my well needed holiday with my daughter. I think of you all too, all around the country experiencing the same issues and grief.

thanks jaded too for coming up with a plan. I will certainly look at mums net xxx

Paula

Member since
September 2018

80 posts

Posted Wed June 26, 2019 1:13pmReport post

Hi everyone, Paula here. It's been a while. For those who don't remember me, it's a year in June since the man I was about to marry was arrested at our home for downloading indecent images. Still no court case. I changed the locks and threw him out, but we still meet occasionally as he has no one else, and I still care about him. Although sometimes I hate him so much, I can barely look at him.

It this Mumsnet contact idea works, that will be wonderful. For months I have wanted to get in touch with those who have been such a comfort to me, Jaded, and Bethlou and Tracey. And where are you poster.So anyway I have joined Mumsnet as Sunny333. So do message me if you want to get in touch. xx

Edited by moderator Wed July 8, 2020 3:36pm

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Wed June 26, 2019 9:33pmReport post

Hi. I've just joined and sent jaded a message. Are with PM people individually?

Bethlou23

Member since
December 2018

383 posts

Posted Wed June 26, 2019 9:44pmReport post

Hi Paula, I am also going to try and sort out mums net. Having a bit of a big week as things are starting to happen with police investigation and other things. I haven’t forgotten people. Just lots to navigate at the moment.

Demixl

Member since
June 2019

6 posts

Posted Thu June 27, 2019 7:27amReport post

Hi,Jaded,thank you for sharing

Booboo

Member since
September 2018

22 posts

Posted Thu June 27, 2019 10:26pmReport post

Hi everyone I am on mumsnet too and have made contact with others and have swapped email address too, just being able to speak directly is so good really takes away that isolated feeling, this forum is also fantastic, my name on mumsnet is snookieboo

Aas some of you may know I am now 14 months post second knock, and there are times when I still need to take the day hour by hour, my boys and I are rebuilding our lives again but it's a ever so slow process

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Fri June 28, 2019 7:10amReport post

I've just sent a few messages on mumsnet.

Whatnow- I dont think I have yours maybe someone can post your user name in a message if you dont want to post on here.

Look forward to talking and I do hope I have someone near me to meet up with x

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Tue July 2, 2019 6:39pmReport post

Hi guys

It's been so lovely to message you and even speak to 2 of you, you've no idea (actually you probably have!) how much it helps.

I wanted to keep this link near the to in case others wanted to join, it seriously has changed my life for now, I can't speak/message people who know exactly how I'm feeling and me back to them.

Hoping to arrange a meet up for those who want to later in the year but it won't be put on here for obvious reasons xx

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Wed July 3, 2019 10:15pmReport post

Hi lee1969,

I will try and look in the next few days. Sounds complicated and my brain cells seem to have gone walkabout since this nightmare unfolded. Got a busy week but I will look into it. Thanks for thinking of me. Xx

Lottie

Member since
November 2018

24 posts

Posted Thu July 4, 2019 9:41pmReport post

Hi, could I join in the mumsnet too please? I think I've sent a message to Jaded.

Thanks

Lottie

Member since
November 2018

24 posts

Posted Sun July 7, 2019 10:53pmReport post

Hi lee1969, it's Lottiemay78

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Thu July 11, 2019 9:41pmReport post

I just want to 2nd that Lee, amazing, wonderful, strong, funny women who give me strength to.

You know how your feel about this forum, well times it by 10 ????xx

Coping

Member since
January 2019

6 posts

Posted Fri July 12, 2019 9:28amReport post

I’ve just set up a Mumsnet account, still trying to work out how it works with messages, my user name is sweetcupcake, Would be nice to speak to someone in the same position as me

Loopy Lou

Member since
September 2018

4 posts

Posted Sat July 13, 2019 10:46pmReport post

Hi Thanks so much for setting this up. I am helpimgoingcrazyhere. I've messaged Jaded and despite being more of a lurker than poster, would love to be connected with the chance to meet face to face. x

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Sun July 14, 2019 10:15amReport post

Hi coping and loopie Lou. I've messaged you on mumsnet. Would be lovely to hear from you x

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Sun July 14, 2019 10:16amReport post

And lottie x

KLK

Member since
October 2018

99 posts

Posted Thu July 18, 2019 5:10pmReport post

oooooo this sounds great, I have been here and mooching every now and then but my mother in law has said she reads this so I don't really want to post anymore =(

I have just set up an account, username KLK79, please add me to whatever you guys are communicating via!

WorriedMum

Member since
July 2019

37 posts

Posted Fri July 19, 2019 7:20amReport post

Three weeks post knock here and my brain isn't functioning...

I can't figure out how to search by user from my phone. I've created a mumsnet account, can someone add me please?



Username: Warrioress

Thanks

Catlady

Member since
July 2019

12 posts

Posted Fri July 19, 2019 11:57pmReport post

Jaded this is so good. When you said this virtual world into this real world. We as a normal family have gone through hell. Like all you others on here. I know that if these images didn't exist none of us would be in this position. We are desperate to meet up

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Sat July 20, 2019 10:25amReport post

Hi Catlady

It's an awful thing isn't it? How far in are you?

We always say a meet up would be amazing - can you imagine the tears! Xx

Nonna

Member since
December 2018

87 posts

Posted Tue July 23, 2019 9:02amReport post

Hi I've joined mumsnet my name is rocknroll1965 I don't quite know how this works il be grateful for advice on what to do next

SallyBlue

Member since
March 2019

268 posts

Posted Tue July 30, 2019 3:20amReport post

This would be great for me but I have such deep fears of someone finding me.

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Tue July 30, 2019 7:53amReport post

Hi Sallyblue

I understand that and it isn't for everyone but you can keep it as anonymous as you like, no names, addresses or phone numbers, it just gives you the change to speak more privately with others.

Take things at your pace and do what's right for you xx

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Tue July 30, 2019 4:11pmReport post

I did it, managed to get my head around it and I'm now on mumsnet as sun68, have messaged one person only to find they are about 15 mins away. Mad.

SallyBlue

Member since
March 2019

268 posts

Posted Thu August 1, 2019 5:59amReport post

I'm on BlueSally.

Depression is killing me today. Haven't slept yet so thought I'd try.

Scrappy

Member since
January 2019

66 posts

Posted Wed August 7, 2019 1:01amReport post

Hi everyone I’m on mumsnet as strongmam not sure how to add people xxx

EmmaJ

Member since
August 2019

19 posts

Posted Wed August 7, 2019 8:57amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Thu July 23, 2020 5:35am

Scrappy

Member since
January 2019

66 posts

Posted Wed August 7, 2019 10:36amReport post

I’ve had some nice messages xx I will reply ASAP my son has tried to kill himself Thai morning x

EmmaJ

Member since
August 2019

19 posts

Posted Wed August 7, 2019 10:41amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Thu July 23, 2020 5:35am

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Thu August 8, 2019 10:42pmReport post

Just wanted to say I hope your ok scrappy and sending love your way. I hope your son is ok and gets the help he needs. This situation we are all in is a nightmare, it really is too much for some to bare. I can't imagine how I would feel and cope if it was my son.

I'm sending love your way. Xx

Janno

Member since
July 2019

50 posts

Posted Fri August 9, 2019 11:50amReport post

I’ve set up mumsnet user name is foxylaa I have no idea how the site works xx

M1213

Member since
April 2019

12 posts

Posted Mon August 12, 2019 11:55amReport post

How do i join the mumsnet group?

I havent used mums net before but i have set up a user of M1213

xx

Maddie

Member since
August 2019

14 posts

Posted Wed August 14, 2019 10:34pmReport post

Hi ladies, I'm fairly new here on the forum and I've joined mumsnet today just for this. Username is DarkHorse60. Hope to connect with some of you along this pothole strewn path we are all negotiating blindfold!

Rainbow

Member since
January 2019

282 posts

Posted Fri August 16, 2019 1:32pmReport post

Hi Big Sigh

Are you on mumsnet? I wanted to send you a private message. Thanks x

Big sigh

Member since
December 2018

244 posts

Posted Sat August 17, 2019 6:15pmReport post

Hi Rainbow

yes I am on mumsnet and have messaged a couple of people. But I would prefer to send a message than put my username up there if that is ok. Still going through this stuff so need to be really careful - if that makes sense. Would be happy to message you if you give me your one x

Phoenixmum

Member since
July 2019

27 posts

Posted Tue August 20, 2019 6:48pmReport post

Hi all, can someone please send me a step by step on how to do Mumsnet, I’m not great with tech x thanks in advance

Phoenixmum

Member since
July 2019

27 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 8:18pmReport post

Hi all, I’ve joined Mumsnet, my username is groot1967.

Evie

Member since
May 2019

59 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2019 8:41pmReport post

Is mumsnet just for mums? Or is there others on there as well as I am not a mum, Ito am the daughter of an offender.

CornishTea

Member since
August 2019

86 posts

Posted Sun September 15, 2019 9:11pmReport post

My Mumsnet user name is Chocaholic4672

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Wed October 23, 2019 4:44pmReport post

Just bumping this upto the top for those struggling and wanting extra support.

Love to all, keep strong, we can do this with each other's support. Xx

Dottie

Member since
June 2019

236 posts

Posted Wed October 23, 2019 11:10pmReport post

My mumsnet name is sun68.

Andrea

Member since
September 2018

181 posts

Posted Thu October 24, 2019 5:57amReport post

Mine is Cymraes66. X

mjl73

Member since
August 2019

240 posts

Posted Thu November 7, 2019 10:21amReport post

I finally got round to joining mumsnet, I can't figure out though how to message people. My username is the same on there as it is on here if someone could message me.

Kate89

Member since
November 2019

4 posts

Posted Mon November 18, 2019 4:59pmReport post

Hi there,

New to this and mumsnet. I've created a username Ka89 if someone can reach out please via mumsnet to let me kno how I can become involved please?

Thanks,

mjl73

Member since
August 2019

240 posts

Posted Tue November 19, 2019 12:28pmReport post

For those who don't know how to send a message via mumsnet, you aren't alone, it's not the most obvious if you've never used it before.

Click on "My mumset"

Click "inbox"

Click "New Message"

Enter the user name of the person you want to contact.

You'll probably get an email when you receive a message from someone.

Thistle

Member since
January 2019

31 posts

Posted Mon December 2, 2019 8:03pmReport post

Hi everyone I'm Thistle81 there, I'd really like to get in touch with others there and have just started sending the odd message here and there. Please do message me if you'd like to.

D1286

Member since
November 2019

62 posts

Posted Mon December 2, 2019 8:06pmReport post

I don't have children. Can I still connect with people on Mumsnet or is it just for people with children.

mjl73

Member since
August 2019

240 posts

Posted Mon December 2, 2019 8:16pmReport post

I don't have children either, nothing stopping you from joining mumsnet. I only use it for messaging people. Once you have joined feel free to send me a message my username is the same on there as here.

Tracey

Member since
December 2018

450 posts

Posted Wed December 4, 2019 3:55pmReport post

Hi O&U

It was so lovely chatting with you, if ever you change your mind you know where to find me. Hope everything continues to move along

Much love

Xx

D1286

Member since
November 2019

62 posts

Posted Fri December 6, 2019 7:17pmReport post

Hi guys

Eventually decided to get on mumsnet.

My username on there is poobear86, if anyone wants to chat send me a message.

Seamack

Member since
August 2019

41 posts

Posted Sat December 7, 2019 5:00pmReport post

Hi everyone, I'm on mumsnet too. My user name is Fooledtwice



I hope some of you will message me. It'd be lovely to hear from you. xx

SallyBlue

Member since
March 2019

268 posts

Posted Sun December 8, 2019 8:26pmReport post

BlueSally on the forums. I'm in Scotland and would live to find friends around here that wont judge me! I've been there from the knock to the moving back in together. I will help and support you where I can. X

nicenana

Member since
March 2019

243 posts

Posted Sat December 14, 2019 5:47pmReport post

Hi

sally blue and everyone else I'm now back into mumsnet after not being able to get into my old one. If anyone wants to email my name is nicenana1. It would be good to hear from people in Scotland as well as elsewhere x

Beckyk

Member since
December 2019

14 posts

Posted Sat December 14, 2019 6:40pmReport post

Hi lee1969 I've sent a pm to you on mumsnet x

HsnsM

Member since
December 2019

2 posts

Posted Tue December 17, 2019 1:59pmReport post

hi family moved to live in Finland and don't know where to go ( looking for new acquaintances and friends) will appreciate your commentaries and new znakomstvam thank you for your attention

Bluebellblue

Member since
September 2022

38 posts

Posted Thu November 3, 2022 4:07pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu November 9, 2023 10:45am

Lucy from Stop it Now!

Member since
September 2018

373 posts

Posted Fri November 4, 2022 4:28pmReport post

Dear Forum Users

We at LFF just wanted to remind individuals of the risks involved in sharing personal details, such as usernames for other forums, on a public site. Please see the following link to our previous post:https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/family-and-friends/family-and-friends-forum/topic/1417

In exciting news, our software team are in the process of developing our Direct Messaging function so watch this space as we hope to be introducing this feature in the very near future. This way we can ensure our users are able to safely access one-to-one contact without sharing personal details publicly.

Take Care

The Forum Team

Edited Fri November 4, 2022 4:31pm

Daffodil

Member since
March 2022

975 posts

Posted Sat November 5, 2022 6:15amReport post

Post deleted


Edited Tue October 24, 2023 9:12am

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2241 posts

Posted Sat November 5, 2022 7:15amReport post

Sounds great Lucy / not sure I'm up to the 'meetingup' bit but would be nice to message a few folk. As long as it doesn't dilute the main forum which so many newcomers find.

Bluebellblue

Member since
September 2022

38 posts

Posted Sat November 5, 2022 9:01amReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu November 9, 2023 10:45am

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

837 posts

Posted Sat November 5, 2022 10:21amReport post

So looking forward to the messaging function thank you LFF!

Also, there are so many names from 2019 we don't see anymore. I wonder how they are and I take it as they've moved on which is reassuring for the rest of us still facing this.

Polly Pocket

Member since
May 2022

445 posts

Posted Sat November 5, 2022 4:23pmReport post

Baffled,

I was thinking the same! It gives hope that one day we will have all moved on, although I am so very grateful for the genuine connection I have made here, I would be lost without it.

Looking forward to DMs! I'm sure you will reassure us nearer the time as to how we won't get trolled!

X

Maij

Member since
December 2020

286 posts

Posted Sun November 6, 2022 8:21amReport post

Hi all

I totally agree with LFF. I would be very careful in sharing details. It is so easy for unscrupulous individuals with their own agendas to access public forums and expose individuals . Having attended the inform course , this is the best place to arrange a face to face meeting privately , if you chose to . The course is also beneficial in sharing experiences between each other, in the presence of experts that give you positive feedback , builds your knowledge and understanding of this sensitive topic . I recommend doing this, keep safe everyone. Having said all that I have found this forum so helpful in guiding me through this time in our family's life, so I thank all of you for you kindness and support. For those of you who don't know my story, it is my son who offended for having iioc aged 23 years he received a caution.

maij x

Edited Sun November 6, 2022 8:25am