How best to support my Children
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The 'knock' happened to my ex husband 6 months ago. He was living with his partner but we have two children together. They are 14 and 12 now and lived here with me the majority of the time spending every other weekend at their dad's, dinner with him one night a week and a holiday for a week once a year. Thankfully it was my weekend the day he was arrested.
It all moved quickly he was arrested in June and has already had his first hearing where he finally decided he couldn't lie any longer and pleaded guilty to distributing a (in my opinion) large number of class A-C images. Before the police charged him I was supporting him and the children in remaining on contact with some supervised visits and phone calls. However since the charges and the guilty plea they don't want to speak with him or see him at all.
Lots happened between the arrest and now and he lost his job, his home, his parents washed their hands of him and now our children want nothing to do with him.
I am disgusted with what he has done, I feel so angry that he has done this and the impact it is having on everyone around him. He claims his probation officer is suggesting a community order but the police seem to think prison time.
I am conflicted as in a way I feel sorry for him, his whole life is upside down. My emotions are all over the place. My children seem to be coping as well as they possibly can but they have basically lost their dad.
Has anyone else been in a similar position, how can I best support the children and help them moving forward with not having him in their lives (for however long that is).
Thank you
It all moved quickly he was arrested in June and has already had his first hearing where he finally decided he couldn't lie any longer and pleaded guilty to distributing a (in my opinion) large number of class A-C images. Before the police charged him I was supporting him and the children in remaining on contact with some supervised visits and phone calls. However since the charges and the guilty plea they don't want to speak with him or see him at all.
Lots happened between the arrest and now and he lost his job, his home, his parents washed their hands of him and now our children want nothing to do with him.
I am disgusted with what he has done, I feel so angry that he has done this and the impact it is having on everyone around him. He claims his probation officer is suggesting a community order but the police seem to think prison time.
I am conflicted as in a way I feel sorry for him, his whole life is upside down. My emotions are all over the place. My children seem to be coping as well as they possibly can but they have basically lost their dad.
Has anyone else been in a similar position, how can I best support the children and help them moving forward with not having him in their lives (for however long that is).
Thank you
Hi! Sorry you are going through this. This might get more of a response in the 'general discussion' section.
It's really hard to say, it depends what the circumstances of the distribution were. How many? Was it as part of a "network" of abusers etc. I imagine suspended sentence over community order is more likely with distribution unless he has some powerful mitigating circumstances.
It's really hard to say, it depends what the circumstances of the distribution were. How many? Was it as part of a "network" of abusers etc. I imagine suspended sentence over community order is more likely with distribution unless he has some powerful mitigating circumstances.
Hi,
In terms of supporting your children I'd say keeping conversations open about their dad, answering any questions they might have and allowing them to make their own decisions around contact would be for the best given their ages. If he does receive a custodial there is a charity called children heard and seen that supports children with a parent in prison. Some people on here have used them and have had positive experiences.
Whilst it may not be the case for your ex it's important to remember that distribution can include saving images to somewhere they may be accessed by others. Sometimes the wording of charges invokes a fear of the worst case scenario reaction in your mind xxx
In terms of supporting your children I'd say keeping conversations open about their dad, answering any questions they might have and allowing them to make their own decisions around contact would be for the best given their ages. If he does receive a custodial there is a charity called children heard and seen that supports children with a parent in prison. Some people on here have used them and have had positive experiences.
Whilst it may not be the case for your ex it's important to remember that distribution can include saving images to somewhere they may be accessed by others. Sometimes the wording of charges invokes a fear of the worst case scenario reaction in your mind xxx
Thank you for your replies.
He was part of a group and shared a link containing 379 cat a, 38 cat b and 10 cat c images and was caught as he had sent them to an undercover police officer. It was clear this wasn't his first time of doing this but they couldn't evidence that.
Thankfully my children and I have a very good relationship and we talk about all that is happening and my partner is also supporting me to support them. Although their dad is still very much alive they are grieving what they had but actually dealing with it brilliantly. I just want to be the best parent I can for them as their worlds are upside down.
He was part of a group and shared a link containing 379 cat a, 38 cat b and 10 cat c images and was caught as he had sent them to an undercover police officer. It was clear this wasn't his first time of doing this but they couldn't evidence that.
Thankfully my children and I have a very good relationship and we talk about all that is happening and my partner is also supporting me to support them. Although their dad is still very much alive they are grieving what they had but actually dealing with it brilliantly. I just want to be the best parent I can for them as their worlds are upside down.
It's difficult because on the one hand it's sharing one link but the way the charges work he may be charged with multiple counts of distributing since it's all 3 categories and multiple individual files. May be why you've been given such differing potential sentences.
I am in a similar position trying to support my 2 children that I have with my ex. He has told us bits but I honestly don't believe he's telling the whole truth. Finding it hard to navigate this. My children are devastated. We have found lots of support via this forum. I do however keep reading things which continues to make me question what he has been telling us all. It's a new reality for them and I'm not sure they will want to continue their relationship with him which I can understand. Horrendous position as you will all know.
He has been convicted of the 3 counts and the numbers are included in each count. Sentencing should take place Monday so I guess we will soon have the resolution and we can start to move forwards.
My children haven't seen or spoken to him since he plead guilty in October even at Christmas they didn't want to communicate with him at all.
They are grieving what they had but seem to be doing brilliantly. It's so tough. We are lucky through that it's all moved very quickly. It's only about 7 months from the knock for us, I would have hated it to have been a long drawn out thing. Just fearful of any press involvement due to having the same surname but we will cross that bridge if we have to!
My children haven't seen or spoken to him since he plead guilty in October even at Christmas they didn't want to communicate with him at all.
They are grieving what they had but seem to be doing brilliantly. It's so tough. We are lucky through that it's all moved very quickly. It's only about 7 months from the knock for us, I would have hated it to have been a long drawn out thing. Just fearful of any press involvement due to having the same surname but we will cross that bridge if we have to!
Hi Calypso,
How did today go. I hope smoothly without much attention?
Xx
How did today go. I hope smoothly without much attention?
Xx
Hiya, unfortunately it has been adjourned until February. I really hope it goes ahead then as we need to draw a line and move forwards without this hanging over our heads.
I hope everyone else is doing ok?
Thank you for taking the time to ask :)
I hope everyone else is doing ok?
Thank you for taking the time to ask :)