Worst Day of My Life
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I start work a lot earlier than my husband, and realised he'd been quiet all day. I couldn't contact him on his personal or desk phone. I came home to see him on the sofa. He'd been arrested while I was at work, and sent home on bail.
When he told me, I assumed there had been a mistake. Not my husband. Not the person I'd spent 10+ years with. He told me they'd taken his devices, and I immediately thought it was okay because they wouldn't find anything on them, they have the wrong person and it's all a big mistake.
Except it isn't, is it? He told me that he'd gone to one of those porn sites with a mass download button and clicked it. All sorts of random stuff, most of which he pays no attention to but turns out there was some iioc. Part of me wants to believe this is all a big accident but what does it matter?
It's been less than 12 hours since I found out and I feel like I've been every emotion known to man. I'm between hating him and wanting to support him. But he's really screwed us over.
Due to the nature of his job, he's going to be terminated without a doubt. However my job also requires some intense security vetting, any promotion will require a very deep investigation into me and those around me. So I think that's out of the picture too.
I've spent the evening looking at support groups and flats. I love him, he's been my rock for so very long, but I hate his guts right now. I've shut myself in the office on a camp bed because I can't be around him or anything we share.
Part of me wants to save myself and go, but another wants him to have someone through this long and lonely journey.
What do I do?
When he told me, I assumed there had been a mistake. Not my husband. Not the person I'd spent 10+ years with. He told me they'd taken his devices, and I immediately thought it was okay because they wouldn't find anything on them, they have the wrong person and it's all a big mistake.
Except it isn't, is it? He told me that he'd gone to one of those porn sites with a mass download button and clicked it. All sorts of random stuff, most of which he pays no attention to but turns out there was some iioc. Part of me wants to believe this is all a big accident but what does it matter?
It's been less than 12 hours since I found out and I feel like I've been every emotion known to man. I'm between hating him and wanting to support him. But he's really screwed us over.
Due to the nature of his job, he's going to be terminated without a doubt. However my job also requires some intense security vetting, any promotion will require a very deep investigation into me and those around me. So I think that's out of the picture too.
I've spent the evening looking at support groups and flats. I love him, he's been my rock for so very long, but I hate his guts right now. I've shut myself in the office on a camp bed because I can't be around him or anything we share.
Part of me wants to save myself and go, but another wants him to have someone through this long and lonely journey.
What do I do?
Hi Confused, I'm so sorry you are here, I really am. Your post really resonates with me as I remember too that split second when everything changed- that belief that of course it's a mistake, what, not you, the man I love and everyone loves and respects, of course the police are wrong...to then going cold as he tells you it's true.
You have come to the right place - you will get lots of love and support here, I promise. But for now I imagine you are still in shock. The shock will lessen in time and somehow you will find strength you never thought possible. Everyone will tell you it's a long journey, but in a way that is good because it means you don't have to do anything just yet. In time you will find your answer as to whether you will go through this as a couple or not, but you don't need to decide that just yet. He too will be in no fit state to think rationally so I'd say for now make sure you both eat, get fresh air, and just take things one day at a time. I believe 50% of couples do survive this...I found that very encouraging when I read that. So it is possible to get through but it's something you have to work out for yourself. The helpline can be a great support, for advice or just a listening ear if you need to cry with someone. If you can I'd suggest your partner calls them too.
So sorry. Sending you a big hug and strength. X
You have come to the right place - you will get lots of love and support here, I promise. But for now I imagine you are still in shock. The shock will lessen in time and somehow you will find strength you never thought possible. Everyone will tell you it's a long journey, but in a way that is good because it means you don't have to do anything just yet. In time you will find your answer as to whether you will go through this as a couple or not, but you don't need to decide that just yet. He too will be in no fit state to think rationally so I'd say for now make sure you both eat, get fresh air, and just take things one day at a time. I believe 50% of couples do survive this...I found that very encouraging when I read that. So it is possible to get through but it's something you have to work out for yourself. The helpline can be a great support, for advice or just a listening ear if you need to cry with someone. If you can I'd suggest your partner calls them too.
So sorry. Sending you a big hug and strength. X
So sorry you find yourself here, but welcome to a safe space. Pls call the helpline, and dont make any big decisions now. You need time to process this massive shock. It will pass, but it takes time.