SS and teen children.
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Hi just looking to see if anyone else has teens in the house where OH has been asked to leave by SS. In our case OH is allowed 1hr supervised contact a day. My teens are out with their friends, or in their rooms when OH here. They come for dinner for 10 mins then clear again to do their own things. Nothing changed here, never would have spent a hr with us. I , at the min am trying to understand and make a go of my relationship but how do I let SS see 1hr is pointless and see if they could give him longer each day? I Dont want to push my luck but a little help would be good since I also work full time. I get OH cant be alone with kids but longer in evenings would be helpful.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Hi,
I had teens at the time of the knock but they aren't my partners and I ended the relationship so this isn't through lived experience of your situation but I do understand teens and ss.
What stage of investigation is your OH and what stage of assessment are ss at? xxx
I had teens at the time of the knock but they aren't my partners and I ended the relationship so this isn't through lived experience of your situation but I do understand teens and ss.
What stage of investigation is your OH and what stage of assessment are ss at? xxx
Hi
we are very early stages only been 3 weeks. Items lifted but OH not even interviewed or had risk assessment carried out yet. We are on CIN plan and have safely plan in place. We have been supposedly allocated SW but no word from them or any word on assessment as yet, even though we were told last week they would be in touch re both.
we are very early stages only been 3 weeks. Items lifted but OH not even interviewed or had risk assessment carried out yet. We are on CIN plan and have safely plan in place. We have been supposedly allocated SW but no word from them or any word on assessment as yet, even though we were told last week they would be in touch re both.
Ah ok. Very early days then. Is the safety plan just supervised contact for an hour a day? How much do your teens know about the situation? My initial thoughts are to wait until the allocated sw gets in touch and then discuss keeping the hours per week the same but reducing the number of days to allow for a more natural continuation of your childrens relationship with your OH. This also gives you both time to think about your own relationship and work out what you want moving forward.
You can discuss that your long term goal would be to have him home but I'd wait to see what the police come back with first xxx
You can discuss that your long term goal would be to have him home but I'd wait to see what the police come back with first xxx
Hi
Yes OH is only allowed in the home 1 hr a day for supervised contact. My teens are fully aware if the situation as they were home at the time. SS made sure they also told them in more detail than I cared to tell them.
Thank you for your advice. Yes I will wait until allocated a SW and discuss what you suggest with them.
Hate this whole thing. We have done nothing wrong but are the ones probably suffering the most.
Thank you
Yes OH is only allowed in the home 1 hr a day for supervised contact. My teens are fully aware if the situation as they were home at the time. SS made sure they also told them in more detail than I cared to tell them.
Thank you for your advice. Yes I will wait until allocated a SW and discuss what you suggest with them.
Hate this whole thing. We have done nothing wrong but are the ones probably suffering the most.
Thank you
If it's help with the house and shopping etc that you feel you need then once the kids go back to school or college over the coming weeks maybe you could work out times that the kids will be out and your OH could do practical things to help.
It is hard to be thrust into this life of being a single parent, you will find a strength you didn't know you had xxx
It is hard to be thrust into this life of being a single parent, you will find a strength you didn't know you had xxx
My eldest is 13 (was 11 at the time of the knock, still waiting on CPS). First off, what do your teens want? Do they want to see him right now? If so, when and how much? I would be led by them. Then when the time comes to work things out in more detail go to SS with what the teens want. I'd also make it clear to your teens that they can change their minds about contact at any point.
Got interrupted....
Our routine is for him to spend the day with us every second Saturday roughly, but I always ask mine if they want to see him and they know they can say no. They're currently happy to block off those Saturdays, but if there's something they do want to do (both are in Scouts & similar) we switch to Sunday or whatever. Luckily they have certain shared interests with their dad (like incredibly nerdy board games!) so they are happy to do those with him. The hour a day definitely wouldn't work! But chat through some potential options with your teens - maybe just going out for a meal every now and again even? They may not be sure themselves how they feel about him and it might change over time.
Our routine is for him to spend the day with us every second Saturday roughly, but I always ask mine if they want to see him and they know they can say no. They're currently happy to block off those Saturdays, but if there's something they do want to do (both are in Scouts & similar) we switch to Sunday or whatever. Luckily they have certain shared interests with their dad (like incredibly nerdy board games!) so they are happy to do those with him. The hour a day definitely wouldn't work! But chat through some potential options with your teens - maybe just going out for a meal every now and again even? They may not be sure themselves how they feel about him and it might change over time.
That's incredibly good advice xxx
Thank you both,
This is great advice. I have a meeting with SW next week and I will discuss options with kids before then. I think a Saturday or Sunday would work best as when back at school and with evening activities we would not even have an hour to sit with him. When kids are at school he could come sort stuff when required.
This has been so helpful as the hour a day really is just pointless.
xx
This is great advice. I have a meeting with SW next week and I will discuss options with kids before then. I think a Saturday or Sunday would work best as when back at school and with evening activities we would not even have an hour to sit with him. When kids are at school he could come sort stuff when required.
This has been so helpful as the hour a day really is just pointless.
xx
Is the 1 hour stated in their bail terms? My daughters 1, so not a teen but we were never given a time limit. I was just told he must be supervised at all times and anyone he sees under 18 the parents need to know of the allegations prior so they can assess whether they want him there or not. I must admit I did get asked how long he spends with her and if I saw that as appropate for at the start. But that was the end of the conversation. I just said it's in her best interest as that's her normal and they nodded and moved on.